But, even with boredom factored in or out, I agree that she needs to learn how to play the game...but HOW...HOW do you, not only teach them to do it, but make them WANT to do it?
This is what I was addressing with my reply to you. Not that I don't think kids should be respectful, but what about coloring nails quietly in class isn't respectful. That seems a lot more about the teacher wanting to control the class rather than teach the class.
When I doodled in class, it was for one of two reasons - either I was bored out of my mind or I was concentrating on what was being said and the doodling helped drown out other distractions. Your child can't be the first kid to doodle or draw on herself in class, and it's not the same as disrupting class.
The only way I could find to work with my kids was to find "currency" that mattered to them. I either offered a bribe of sorts for something that wanted to work towards or threatened to remove something they dearly loved in order to get them to work on compliant behavior. For my kids, the only currency that worked was allowing them to be part of the sports team after school that they loved or threatening that they had to take a break if their grades or behavior reports suffered. But that's lousy, too, because it takes one thing they love and builds negative feelings around it.
Some kids learn to play the game better than others, and the more we can teach our kids to adapt to their surroundings, the easier some situations will be for them. But I also have made peace with the fact that within certain limits, I'm ok with my kids not conforming to everything. That will also serve them well in life - the people who ask why not, why shouldn't we try, why can't we try ... they make new things happen.
So, for me, it's a balance. Fight the destructive, hurtful behaviors, teach them to cope as best they can, and then advocate with the teacher to make accommodations that allows everyone to get through the day.
