Next year, she will be eligible to ...or attend a full-time accelerated magnet program for the rest of elementary.
...
I have also heard anecdotes that the program involves significant homework (like 2 hours+ per night), although the district paperwork describes a homework expectation of only 30 minutes to 1 hour a night.
...
but I do think she "dumbs" herself down to fit in, to some extent).
If she is elibible for the 'full time' gifted program, then what does your school base this eligibility on. Sit down with the Gifted Coordinator and share your concerns about her being the slowest kid in the full time program. See if the GC can show you test scores or grades or anything to assure you that your dd won't be that kid.
It's a bit of a philosophical debate about what to do if you child is 'that kid.' I think she would still be better off - especially if she is 'dumbing down' for her current friends. Someday, she will be around kids who are 'much much' more gifted than she is. Isn't it better for that day to be while she is in your home to get your support than if she has crused through and is away at college? Sylvia Rim writes a lot about kids who are 'straight A underachievers' and how they fall apart when they finally meet challenge. I'd take that slot as the slowest gifted kid and keep harping on that it's character and hard work that help one succeded at life.
As for the other parents who are telling you homework scare stories - it's certianly possible that this school is all about hours of grind, but it's also possible that those kids are wasting 75% of their study time txting at the same time, or that those are the kids who are actually much less gifted than your DD, or they have undiagnosed (or diagnosed) 2E issues, such as ADHD. Or that the parent is bragging in a weird way. Only way to tell is to try. If possible, then visit the classrooms and see what's going on in there.
Best Wishes,
It's always hard to make a change,
Grinity
