I think avoiding completely the crying to sleep, and the "stay there in the dark OR ELSE" stuff, has contributed to bedtimes being low stress here to this day. I remember friends being impressed when my toddler would be heard singing to himself and would a bit later go quiet, without needing to be put back to bed multiple times.
FWIW, mine were sleep-trained (second baby was more "check and console" than hardcore CIO) and they both began to be this way after STing (before STing they both had to be dead asleep before I could leave the room). IMO this is actually what it means to be able to self-soothe. DD's bedtime has been low stress for absolutely ages and ages--she often will ask to go to sleep before it's technically lights out time (8 pm--she is 7). DS's has been mostly low-stress with occasional bits and bobs of anxiety about the dark for ages, too. We did let him sleep with the light on for a while.
Although we did sleeptrain, I absolutely agree that is not for every family or for every baby. I found it very difficult, even though our experience was pretty easy. However, I will note here that I have read the research and there really isn't any convincing scientific anti-CIO research. Rather, there is a lot of evidence that sleep issues in children result in problems for children and parents both. Of course, there are multiple ways to resolve sleep issues, but it seems like most people I know have gone with "It will pass...," but sometimes it really hasn't. I have seen this issue do major harm to mothers and marriages both, so know that I am speaking with GREAT compassion for how hard it is, and yet with sincere concern.
