Originally Posted by Grinity
Originally Posted by newmom21C
I think there are a number of reasons that higher IQ individuals have less kids:
-they use birth control more effectively
-they chose to study/pursue a career first before having kids, thus, having a smaller number of fertile years
-they realistically thought about the cost of their child's education/travel/housing and decided to limit their family size because of it
-they chose not to have a large number of kids for environmental reasons
-there seems to be a strong correlation between giftedness and being an intense child. it's hard to have a lot of intense children around!
Nice list!
I might add that highest IQ parents are more perfectionistic, and vulnerable to trying 'birth-controling' styles of parenting - such as the family bed. ((wink))
I know that my natural gifted intensity kicked into overdrive with my DS, I wore him in a baby sling, nursed exclusively while working part time for 6 months - basically my perfectionism set me up to believe "There has to be a better way!" I was willing to try anything to blunt that very deep sence of lonliness I grew up with - even in the middle of a healthy loving family. When one is Intense, one doesn't need a tramatic upbringing to experience a lot of intense feelings.

And it's possible that my 'high-need' kid was successfully cue-ing me that he needed 'super-parenting' right from the begining (or that I created a monster with my liberal expectations - the world will never know)

Sometimes I dismiss my efforts as ignorant and misguided. Other times I get a sense of 'how things might have been much worse' if I hadn't gone 'over the top.'

Either way, having a 2nd child just didn't seem in the cards for us.

It seems to me that a good number of very intelligent women would choose to not have children if they have a choice - it maybe an inborn desire for most women, but not all. Barbara Walters wrote in her book that Lauren Bacall said that a woman can have 2 out of following 3: demanding job, good marriage, be a good enough mother.

Thanks, and yes to all that you wrote. I'm not 100% sure about Barbara Walter's quote... although I have to admit that I have taken a less demanding job (although still somewhat demanding) and that has certainly helped with my marriage and mothering.

I think you're right that perfectionism has played a role (and, honestly, you see this in many families, in general). There's an idea out there that there's a perfect way to raise a child (although no one seems to agree on what exactly that way is) and each mother is left to try a myriad of things to establish what is perfect for their respective child. Add to that there's extensive pressure for your child to perform in public (not tantrum in restaurants/airplanes, share with peers, easily make friends and do well at school) and your parenting is judged by how well your child performs. If you have an intense, stubborn child who very much has a mind of their own and throw in some overexcitabilities or a learning disability and you have quite the job for yourself! Dealing with your own perfectionism just adds to the fun. wink