Thank you for the amazing link, Mumofthree! I was awake on and off last night thinking about many parts of it. How on earth did that guy know my kids so well?
The part about self-sabotage through rude, disrespectful and arrogant behavior towards teachers hit home particularly hard- I honestly think I have some PTSD from dealing with DDs high school years. I was thinking last night about the two teachers she had public shouting matches with, in class...wait, no, it was three, oh wait, four.... really a nightmare, especially as she was up to that point a super-empathetic, kind, hyper-sensitive kid, just as he describes. This article gives me a new insight and framework within which to view that time period. And many parts of it fit my DS, too- really uncanny,
Regarding the musical practice, one of mine, my DS is like this, too- it definitely is a form of self-sabotage, though he often lands the part or the honor despite the lack of practice. I think itís also as the author described, sometimes itís a game to see how much he can accomplish without exerting effort. And there is definitely guilt and embarrassment there, as he compares his own effort to achievement ratio with those of his friends. Very complex stiff going on under the surface.
Thanks so much for the helpful link- I have to really think about whether sharing parts of it with either DC would be helpful...