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    Joined: Oct 2013
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    It sounds to me like she's learning to deal with these situations in her own way. It may take awhile for her to find "her people" though. FWIW, I didn't have any female friends until my late twenties. I just hung out with the mathy boys until then... Staring at a grasshopper instead of the ball would not have been a faux pas in that crowd. smile

    My girlfriends now are all very interesting and conscientious people. It doesn't take "work" to get along with them. And they compliment my outfits, too. It took forever to find these people, though.

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    Space Cadet - Thanks for the boost of encouragement - I needed it!!!

    I sure hope you are right about her finding true friends at some point in life. I just hope it can be sooner rather than later and her confidence and self esteem aren't too harmed waiting.

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    Some of the American Girl books are good for teaching social skills--there is one specifically on dealing with mean girls and DD ate it up last year when she was dealing with some mean girls in her class. Now she's at the point where she doesn't seem to care. Last year it was tears and drama. This year, if someone is obnoxious and I ask her how she dealt with it, she'll say that she told them off and it's fine. smile I'm sure as they get older these situations will keep arising though...

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    Originally Posted by master of none
    What's most important is that she see herself for who she is and that she love that person. Quirky or not, she needs to own herself and her place in the world.


    Virtual clap!

    I have been thinking of this a lot as I drive past our town's enormous high schools. I'm not sure anymore that I want DSs to go through all the stupid social stuff that goes on in high school (I'm talking about the in/out/popular/unpopular/labels, etc.). I used to think that all mattered somehow from a learning to survive standpoint, but now I wonder if avoiding the mean kids and being at a smaller, more inclusive high school where they can be themselves and grow without that stuff would be better.

    Last edited by ConnectingDots; 07/02/14 12:00 PM.
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    Originally Posted by ConnectingDots
    Originally Posted by master of none
    What's most important is that she see herself for who she is and that she love that person. Quirky or not, she needs to own herself and her place in the world.


    Virtual clap!

    I have been thinking of this a lot as I drive past our town's enormous high schools. I'm not sure anymore that I want DSs to go through all the stupid social stuff that goes on in high school (I'm talking about the in/out/popular/unpopular/labels, etc.). I used to think that all mattered somehow from a learning to survive standpoint, but now I wonder if avoiding the mean kids and being at a smaller, more inclusive high school where they can be themselves and grow without that stuff would be better.
    My experience, both my personal one and that of my children. Is this kind of thing is worse in 6th, 7th, 8th grade than high school. And a smaller school can make this worse. In the very large high schools there are more social groups allowing a student to find a comfortable place. It does help that the schools that I attended and my kids attend are known for the academics more than their sports programs.

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    Originally Posted by 1frugalmom
    Thanks for your responses KathrynH, aeh, and NotSoGifted.

    I'm going to try to get a copy of Unwritten Rules and the Skillstreaming to see where those will get us. Amazon has the Skillstreaming 3rd edition Guide for Teaching Prosocial Skills. Aeh do you think the Guide will be enough or should I get the Lessons Plans and Activities book too?

    The guide is enough.


    ...pronounced like the long vowel and first letter of the alphabet...
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    Originally Posted by master of none
    When it comes to the dress and others noticing, I'd talk to your daughter about being true to herself. What does it matter if others notice your clothes? Because it makes you feel what? How does it benefit you? How does it benefit the other kids? Then have her think about how she can spread that kindness that she wants to feel. She can spread it to others and it will come back. With the introspection you teach her, she'll begin to see her priorities and be much stronger when it comes to relationships and setting her own identity as she moves to middle school.

    I have to respectfully disagree. Wanting positive attention is normal and there are many valid ways to go about getting it. Getting attention for your kindness is good; getting attention for your sense of style is good too. Of course I wouldn't want a young girl to be completely superficial or to go to extremes to get attention for her appearance: eating disorders and exhibitionism are not healthy. But anyone with high aesthetic sensitivity is going to spend time selecting outfits and/or arranging their environments in a pleasing way. And it's nice to be appreciated for that.

    Some people don't appreciate my fashion sense and some people do. Some people also appreciate the way my paint colors enhance the artwork on my walls. And the modern, vibrant aesthetic of my original quilt designs. And the graphic art projects that I do for fun. It feels nice to be recognized, plain and simple.

    It's hard to be in middle school and only have clothing as your medium for expression, and only have other middle school girls as your "audience". That's the problem, as I see it.


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    Originally Posted by ConnectingDots
    I'm not sure anymore that I want DSs to go through all the stupid social stuff that goes on in high school (I'm talking about the in/out/popular/unpopular/labels, etc.). I used to think that all mattered somehow from a learning to survive standpoint, but now I wonder if avoiding the mean kids and being at a smaller, more inclusive high school where they can be themselves and grow without that stuff would be better.

    This recent study finds that the kids who win the popular game in high school often end up with negative outcomes as adults, so this would be another place where the only way to win the game is not to play.

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    Originally Posted by Dude
    Originally Posted by ConnectingDots
    I'm not sure anymore that I want DSs to go through all the stupid social stuff that goes on in high school (I'm talking about the in/out/popular/unpopular/labels, etc.). I used to think that all mattered somehow from a learning to survive standpoint, but now I wonder if avoiding the mean kids and being at a smaller, more inclusive high school where they can be themselves and grow without that stuff would be better.

    This recent study finds that the kids who win the popular game in high school often end up with negative outcomes as adults, so this would be another place where the only way to win the game is not to play.

    That's middle school, Dude.

    The study doesn't say what the blurb says it says.

    Also, they don't appear to consider going to law school and practicing law as "negative outcomes," so the study is clearly flawed.

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    MON, thanks for your clarification. I'm happy to hear that you are helping your daughter successfully navigate middle school. Like another poster, I have started to give up on the idea that school life is important. But it's encouraging to hear that it can be positive!

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