Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Starts ambitious projects but never finishes them

DD is 7, MG, and does very well with schoolwork/grades. IOW, she is not spacey in her school environment. However, at home, she is forever starting big projects and not finishing them. So far this month she has started creating/writing a field guide to birds, a play/musical, and a card-based guessing game about birds. All seem to be abandoned except maybe the card game. She has started writing probably 20+ books, none of which have been finished. She also is usually reading about 10 library books at a time, but finishes maybe 1 out of 5 before they are due back.

I'm not worried about this per se, but I do wonder if we should encourage her more or just let it go without comment. As I say, she doesn't have trouble finishing schoolwork or homework. I can't tell if she abandons due to lack of interest or frustration/perfectionism...seems to be a bit of both. She is also scattered/disorganized with personal belongings, though not to an extreme. The library book thing may partly be because she is overwhelmed by the towering stacks of books on her bedside table and physically loses track. I have considered limiting the # of books she checks out, but that just seems wrong.

This is common for creative GT kids, yes?

ETA that this post makes her sound a little ADDish, but I really don't think she is--not a concern for me.

Yes, this is very common. We saw the exact same thing at that age. I remember feeling concerned about this but ultimately I shifted my thinking. It wasn't that nothing was getting finished, but that the child got what he needed from the project and was ready to move on. The purpose for him wasn't the end product, but the process of discovery. Also, realistically, a team of adults probably couldn't complete the amount of work these kids are starting on.

One thing about motivated self directed learners is they can be good at putting themselves into that zone of optimal engagement and acquisition of new material or skills. It sounds like that's exactly what she's doing. She's putting herself in the place where she gets the most of out if and she has a sense when she's beyond that it is okay to let stuff go. That's very healthy I think.

And, if it makes you feel better my overly ambitious seven year old has turned into a teenager who gets stuff done. He continues to be good at evaluating if a project, book, or activity is worth his time and he is willing to let stuff go that isn't. Again, that's a healthy and good thing.

I think that PTP is right-- she's getting what she needs out of the project and then it loses its importance to her.

An emphasis on "meeting your commitments" is only appropriate beginning in adolescence.

A lot of people who bite off more than they can chew and then have a million things half-finished (or just started) are serving an innovative impulse, too.

I'm one of those people. I am often driven to figure out HOW to do ________ (project). But once I've done that, there's little point (for me personally) in following through unless the product is something that I truly have a need for.

It's the impulse to problem-solve or create that I derive my gratification from. The process, not the product.

As for the library book problem, it may help for her to have a single location where she keeps books... or maybe a set number that she thinks she can read at one time. Have you asked if it bothers her when she doesn't finish the books?

I think your other advice is great, but I do have a word of warning. I used to be like your DD when I was a child (and as an adult, to a lesser extent). The reason I did not finish projects was because in school, things were easy. But if I did something on my own, I was not used to having to put in the effort and hard work it took to finish a project. And my work never seemed perfect enough for me. I had countless sewing projects, cross stitch pictures and stories gathering dust in my closet. This is an area that I have struggled with even as an adult.

Perhaps you can work with your DD on a smaller project to get her used to following through with something. There's a lot to be said about the satisfaction of looking back at the hard work you've done and seeing a completed product.

Like your DD, I always had my school work done. But I could have used the practice of having to actually work hard or work long on something to get it finished.

She is definitely a motivated/self-directed learner. I think my hesitation here stems from the fact that her father is a bit of a brilliant perfectionist not-finisher. It doesn't bother me when she just seems to organically lose interest, but sometimes she hits a frustrating spot (with the play, she got bogged down in a song that she wasn't happy with) and that's what seems to trigger it...though I don't think that's it with the books. I don't quite know what it is with the books, TBH. No, it doesn't bother her when we have to return them--well, rarely, but not at all often.

I mean, I don't actually expect my 7yo to finish a complete Field Guide to the Birds of the US (that one, she got annoyed because she made the index ahead of time and then the page numbers got messed up...)~! I just would hope to see her get the pride of completion sometimes, I guess--completion to whatever level works for her. Of course, sometimes maybe the projects ARE complete to that level, from her POV.

I am a project-finisher by nature, so it's useful to me to hear from other people who may operate more like DD.

The joke around here is that I technically only need ONE ball of yarn (I'm a knitter), because I could just rip out a half-finished project and start on a new one using the same ball of yarn over and over. This way my knitting wouldn't take up an entire closet.

My neatnik DH who hates clutter is especially fond of this innovative notion, for whatever it's worth.

I do finish most of my projects. But sometimes I will drop one for months or even years before picking it up again and working on it. I just seem to lose the driving force behind the motivation, and the project no longer fuels anything for me personally. It isn't that I can't stay focused on it. I just choose to move on to something else because it is no longer challenging or novel enough to be interesting. I suppose that I feel that my hobbies and interests shouldn't feel like drudgery.

My library habits are very similar to your daughter's. I like to read a little bit of a lot of stuff. I figure life is too short to waste finishing a book I feel done with. I always have lots of different books going at once because different books meet different needs - focused attention, fluff, fiction, nonfiction, etc. As long as you have a set place to keep books so stuff gets returned I think it is fine.

And, yes, my craft closet would probably also make you uneasy. In this area of my life I'm more about process than product. I like trying new stuff, learning new skills, enjoying the process. It works for me. I haven't had a problem being more focused in other areas.

If it is bothering your daughter that she isn't finishing then that's another matter. If she's simply feeling done and moving on, I wouldn't worry about it.

We meet new people, get to know them a little and often we choose not to spend the rest of our lives trying to know them better. A commercial for a new movie shows us parts of the movie and we often choose not to see the whole movie. We clean one room of a house and stop knowing another part of the house is in need of cleaning.

The ability to make the right choices of what we should and should not finish is what is important. I am a person who has a problem with starting to clean one area of a house, if I know I cannot finish the entire house. Worked well until I was a parent, was very difficult to get started once I realized I could never finish. I'm getting better at making the right choices, but it takes a lot of work.

It may seem unusual for someone to start a book and not finish it. Is it any different than all those less obvious things we start and not finish every day. All most of us can hope for is the majority of things we choose to finish are for the most part the better choices in the long run.

Exactly--this was me! (not to say for sure this is what is going on with the OP, but worth considering).

I think this is the key. I agree that there is pride in completing a project, and for me, I could have used some hothousing on how to finish what I started. (and probably some guidance on dealing with perfectionism.)