Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion Gifted Adult, existential depression

Hello all,

I feel really really silly posting here, but unsure where else I could post to just get this out. So here it is, please disregard if it seems like just another whiny post.:)

I have done really really well for over four years masquerading as a "normal" person. Not perfectly, but I found a job with a lot of quirky personalities who all graduated from good schools and I can have semi-good discussions with them. I feel like I fooled myself into feeling like I fit. The people are still the same. I still like them all. But, I am going through this, "Gosh, no matter how hard I try, I am not like them," phase. It makes me in equal parts annoyed at myself for being so egotistical to think that, and sad that I really want somewhere where I just feel "normal" for being me. Of course, I have never really fit, so it's kind of odd that I managed it for as long as I did. I guess I'm just posting to see if anyone else goes through this, cyclical mild depressions which sometimes you can pull yourself out of by gritting your teeth, but in the end kind of leave you feeling lonely.:/

Granted, by looking around and seeing other Gifted people at my job, I worry that I'm actually 2e and that's why I feel like I don't fit...or perhaps (I know my IQ but I hate to talk about it) that I am MG and therefore, even being surrounded by Gifted people, I am still out of place.

Artana -

I go through this DAILY... I was questioning myself last night (the 2E thing). Like there HAD to be another explanation. And I am not sure of my IQ (I was 8 or so when tested last), but if I remember correctly, it's enough to say I'm gifted, but not nearly enough to say I'm more than MG.

I'm not sure of the answer, but you are definitely not alone!

I feel a very, very similar way. I sometimes go home feeling depressed because nobody really understands what I'm talking about, and that one minute I feel gifted, the next minute I feel average, and the other few minutes I don't know what I am! "Why don't people just understand!", I cry, and the only lull is the rain...(OK, maybe that sentence was a tad too dramatic...)

I read the last paragraph more thoroughly, and I often feel out of place even WITH some "gifted" people. I just never really feel that I quite fit the whole "child prodigy/genius" thing. I have been through your situation before, and I am still going through it. I know what you are going through, but I was never able to solve it (since I found out the characteristics of a gifted person only last year).

((hugs))
First of all - It's great that you have some kind of IQ score, do you happen to have the subtest scores? It's possible that you aren't fully 2E, but have some significant scatter and some significant bottlenecks. You may average out to MG, but still have some serious intensity going on.

Remember too, that many of us struggle with perfectionism, inner directed and outer directed, which robs us of being able to enjoy 'pretty good' when we can imagine 'fabulous' so clearly.

I will say that when I first learned about giftedness, I cycled through some mild depression, but that a combination of learning more about 'care and feeding' of myself and getting my son into a better fit school situation has really reduced that over the years.

There is tremendous variability amoung gifted people, so it doesn't suprise me that you don't enjoy every gifted person you meet. I think that main thing is to find one or two friends you can really be yourself with, and have a bunch of folks who understand what you are going through.

We could be your bunch!

Keep your heart open to find your one or two.

And in the meantime, be kind to yourself when you get grumpy and down. Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintigration talks about how it's healthy and important to adult development to have low periods when one is open to the call of wanting more.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

You might try to see if you can get your hands on any book by Piechowski - for example:
'Mellow Out' They Say. If I Only Could.
Intensities and Sensitivities of the Young and Bright
by Michael M. Piechowski, Ph.D

Have you read this?

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowskis_theory_existential_depression_feb09.pdf

It's the best thing I've seen written on gifted adults and depression.

Thank you all.:)

Violet and JJsMom - it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Grinity - You are always so sweet. I appreciate both the advice about what to look at and the hand of friendship. I looked at Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintigration and it definitely fits what I'm feeling.

MsFriz - That article looks awesome. I have only managed a couple of pages since I'm at work, but it makes a lot of sense.

Hi!
Funny, or not funny, I was just thinking this a few days ago. Nice to know I'm not alone.

I've found that, hanging around really gifted people makes me feel really slow and not gifted at all -- as I can only suppose the "really gifted" are possibly very gifted, and in contrast to them, I would be almost "normal". Haha

But then I go in the other direction, and find out that there are others who have no idea what I'm talking about --- could be because I didn't spell it out or have jumped conclusions, etc, and I process faster than they do, skipping forward -- and so, to them, I am a bright person.

So, neither here nor there, but somewhere not quite in the "middle" as it is all relative depending on the starting point.

I have also always felt, since I was a child, that I didn't belong/fit anywhere also, and it appears that it will continue.

But I have decided (when I'm not down), to give myself a break and give others a break too. I have to remind myself that everyone is just wherever they happen to be.

Will go look at the resources mentioned above...

Raising my hand here...I too have the feeling of being a misfit with most people. Even people I genuinely like. I find that what interests me puzzles and possibly bores others. My DH and I have traveled quite a bit, and many people have not had the life experiences I have had, so we don't always find a lot in common to discuss. I find that a lot of people discuss things that bore me, or that I don't keep up with (ex. TV shows, Hollywood stars, etc etc).
That being said, I do have some friends now who have very different life experiences and they have taught me a lot of interesting things! I'm now delving into home gardening and canning. One of my friends does amazing seamstress work, and creative things that I would never have the patience to do. So we hang out and maybe I don't discuss all of my cerebral stuff with her, but it's pleasant, and she teaches me new things all the time. Just an example of how I am coping with feeling different, FWIW...
Hugs going out to all of you who feel alone, different, or misunderstood.