Hello all,

I feel really really silly posting here, but unsure where else I could post to just get this out. So here it is, please disregard if it seems like just another whiny post.:)

I have done really really well for over four years masquerading as a "normal" person. Not perfectly, but I found a job with a lot of quirky personalities who all graduated from good schools and I can have semi-good discussions with them. I feel like I fooled myself into feeling like I fit. The people are still the same. I still like them all. But, I am going through this, "Gosh, no matter how hard I try, I am not like them," phase. It makes me in equal parts annoyed at myself for being so egotistical to think that, and sad that I really want somewhere where I just feel "normal" for being me. Of course, I have never really fit, so it's kind of odd that I managed it for as long as I did. I guess I'm just posting to see if anyone else goes through this, cyclical mild depressions which sometimes you can pull yourself out of by gritting your teeth, but in the end kind of leave you feeling lonely.:/

Granted, by looking around and seeing other Gifted people at my job, I worry that I'm actually 2e and that's why I feel like I don't fit...or perhaps (I know my IQ but I hate to talk about it) that I am MG and therefore, even being surrounded by Gifted people, I am still out of place.

Artana -

I go through this DAILY... I was questioning myself last night (the 2E thing). Like there HAD to be another explanation. And I am not sure of my IQ (I was 8 or so when tested last), but if I remember correctly, it's enough to say I'm gifted, but not nearly enough to say I'm more than MG.

I'm not sure of the answer, but you are definitely not alone!

I feel a very, very similar way. I sometimes go home feeling depressed because nobody really understands what I'm talking about, and that one minute I feel gifted, the next minute I feel average, and the other few minutes I don't know what I am! "Why don't people just understand!", I cry, and the only lull is the rain...(OK, maybe that sentence was a tad too dramatic...)

I read the last paragraph more thoroughly, and I often feel out of place even WITH some "gifted" people. I just never really feel that I quite fit the whole "child prodigy/genius" thing. I have been through your situation before, and I am still going through it. I know what you are going through, but I was never able to solve it (since I found out the characteristics of a gifted person only last year).

((hugs))
First of all - It's great that you have some kind of IQ score, do you happen to have the subtest scores? It's possible that you aren't fully 2E, but have some significant scatter and some significant bottlenecks. You may average out to MG, but still have some serious intensity going on.

Remember too, that many of us struggle with perfectionism, inner directed and outer directed, which robs us of being able to enjoy 'pretty good' when we can imagine 'fabulous' so clearly.

I will say that when I first learned about giftedness, I cycled through some mild depression, but that a combination of learning more about 'care and feeding' of myself and getting my son into a better fit school situation has really reduced that over the years.

There is tremendous variability amoung gifted people, so it doesn't suprise me that you don't enjoy every gifted person you meet. I think that main thing is to find one or two friends you can really be yourself with, and have a bunch of folks who understand what you are going through.

We could be your bunch!

Keep your heart open to find your one or two.

And in the meantime, be kind to yourself when you get grumpy and down. Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintigration talks about how it's healthy and important to adult development to have low periods when one is open to the call of wanting more.

Love and More Love,
Grinity

You might try to see if you can get your hands on any book by Piechowski - for example:
'Mellow Out' They Say. If I Only Could.
Intensities and Sensitivities of the Young and Bright
by Michael M. Piechowski, Ph.D

Have you read this?

http://www.hoagiesgifted.org/dabrowskis_theory_existential_depression_feb09.pdf

It's the best thing I've seen written on gifted adults and depression.

Thank you all.:)

Violet and JJsMom - it's nice to know I'm not the only one.

Grinity - You are always so sweet. I appreciate both the advice about what to look at and the hand of friendship. I looked at Dabrowski's Theory of Positive Disintigration and it definitely fits what I'm feeling.

MsFriz - That article looks awesome. I have only managed a couple of pages since I'm at work, but it makes a lot of sense.

Hi!
Funny, or not funny, I was just thinking this a few days ago. Nice to know I'm not alone.

I've found that, hanging around really gifted people makes me feel really slow and not gifted at all -- as I can only suppose the "really gifted" are possibly very gifted, and in contrast to them, I would be almost "normal". Haha

But then I go in the other direction, and find out that there are others who have no idea what I'm talking about --- could be because I didn't spell it out or have jumped conclusions, etc, and I process faster than they do, skipping forward -- and so, to them, I am a bright person.

So, neither here nor there, but somewhere not quite in the "middle" as it is all relative depending on the starting point.

I have also always felt, since I was a child, that I didn't belong/fit anywhere also, and it appears that it will continue.

But I have decided (when I'm not down), to give myself a break and give others a break too. I have to remind myself that everyone is just wherever they happen to be.

Will go look at the resources mentioned above...

Raising my hand here...I too have the feeling of being a misfit with most people. Even people I genuinely like. I find that what interests me puzzles and possibly bores others. My DH and I have traveled quite a bit, and many people have not had the life experiences I have had, so we don't always find a lot in common to discuss. I find that a lot of people discuss things that bore me, or that I don't keep up with (ex. TV shows, Hollywood stars, etc etc).
That being said, I do have some friends now who have very different life experiences and they have taught me a lot of interesting things! I'm now delving into home gardening and canning. One of my friends does amazing seamstress work, and creative things that I would never have the patience to do. So we hang out and maybe I don't discuss all of my cerebral stuff with her, but it's pleasant, and she teaches me new things all the time. Just an example of how I am coping with feeling different, FWIW...
Hugs going out to all of you who feel alone, different, or misunderstood.

I have to agree!!!

Thanks! We Rock.
Grinity

We do Rock.

I rarely use blogs or anything, because I feel like I am not really that interesting a person. So, this was a rather hard post to make. I feel like I know a lot of interesting things, and have seen a lot of interesting things, but that doesn't inherently make me worthy of writing about myself and being seen as interesting. You'll see me make a lot of posts about the kids, but not really about me.

I think I also have some odd version of impostor syndrome. I feel like world's best mimic. I love to write, but my writing tends to copy the type of writing I have recently read. Or, I love to sing and am good at it, but I once again mimic styles. When I was little, my existential depression was based on the thought that I would never create something that was uniquely mine.

Is there truly a relationship between IQ and depression/relationship issues? I never follow those studies so I have no idea what the survey says�

Depression/dysfunction tends to run in my family so I am not sure whether we are all just freakin� geniuses or what. If so, that kills the theory that birds of a feather are happy together. I just assume it is normal for occasional bouts of melancholy and not dwell on it.

I am not sure I understand your issue. The approach to solving your problem depends on whether you are feeling superior or inferior and since your post alludes to both, I suspect you are just wishy-washy, which is pretty much incurable.

Friendship rarely centers on the level of quality conversation (writers and philosophers probably are exempt) but rather on shared interests. Of course, you then have the difficulty of finding someone who has an interest in your hobby who knows at least as much as you do so you are not just dragging them around teaching them everything you know and not getting anything in return. On second thought, forget about shared interests.

The best thing for you to do is to get married. That way you don�t have to be friends and you don�t have to talk to each other, a win-win!

Dude, seriously� get a dog.

Ok, now that that�s out of my system� I have no advice for you. You have to realize that asking a bunch of geniuses about relationships is like asking the captain of the Titanic if there are any icebergs around (sorry, I thought I was all done). Personally I just immerse myself in my projects and I have more than enough to keep me busy. I don�t generally find it useful to join a group because i have too many interests to spend time at meetings. *shrugs*

I am who I am. Loneliness is just an opportunity to get something done without interruptions.

"When I was little, my existential depression was based on the thought that I would never create something that was uniquely mine." - Artana - I love that you said this - I still feel like this!! But I think I'm starting to move past it - I hope!!

This is an interesting thread for me - I too always find myself out of place, with both gifted and 'normal' people. I have tried really hard to find 'my people', and have dropped myself in to various situations where I thought I might find them. Mostly I don't - there is almost always a feeling of mismatch. It's certainly not that I don't like people - I really do, but I often struggle with how other people appear to think and often find myself saying things that people evidently can't relate to. I've never been tested, but come from a highly gifted family and have an HG+ daughter, so I suspect I'm gifted at some level. Unfortunately my career path is not one with a large gifted cohort, so I've rarely made good connections at work either.

Often when I do find people I really connect with, it is among people who are significantly (15/20+ years) older than I am, but then there is the difficulty of having completely different lives. Certainly in my small friendship group there are no two people even remotely alike and they struggle to come together as a group!

I feel very lucky to have found my husband, we both wonder what on earth we'd have done without each other!

I loved this article - as I read it light globes kept on going off! http://www.sengifted.org/articles_adults/Lovecky_CanYouHearTheFlowersSing.shtml

OMG Artana! I so itentify with this! My favorite writing assignements in High School as to write an 'extra chapter' of the book we had just finished. I read very little fiction nowadays, because I SO carry the writer's voice and perspective in my head - for days or few weeks! And in my head - I sound just like David Bowie - but sadly - not to other people. I used to be down on myself about it - and call myself a Zelig (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelig

But now I see it differently - probably because I've found a way to put my skills into the service of others here on this very board.
I'm super extraverted - so I'm interested in and energized by people, and my strength is intrapersonal awareness - so I am in good touch with all the various corners of my complicated self. I'm also 'touch dominant' so I learn about other through 'embodying' them. Roll it all together and I have an uncanny abilty to walk a mile in other people's shoes. Who needs to have an interesting life if they have an interested life?

I know some people who have the spiritual belief that there are no seperate people - that all of us have done and been all of it. I don't literally believe this, but I think it's a useful perspective. It's nice to be normal for a change!

Smiles,
Grinity

That is awesome! I didn't know anyone else had that. It's one of the things that always seems to set me apart.:)

Hugs,
Artana

And you do this SO well!

((Hugs)) Artana and JJsMOm

Funny how we don't get to pick our gifts - I also have a knack for memorizing song lyrics. Other people's 'party tricks' always look more appealing,yes? At 48, it's looking like it's only been the last 10 years that I'm learning to appreciate what I do have - and to find ways to be around other people who appreciate my strengths as well!

Love and More Love,
Grinity

I so identify with you on this.

I may sound trite, but I have been through all kinds of stuff on a personal level, and more since I had my son 10 years ago. I'm 51 now and after a busy working life I'm not up to much, and too much time makes you think.

However, and I know I am really fortunate, the one thing I think a lot of us have is love - the love of our families and true friends who will accept you no matter what - gifted, imbecile or a bit of both. Every morning, sometimes after a night of the 3 a.m. terrors (you know what mean) I see my son come through the living room door and I hug him like I don't want to let go. then the missus comes in and we get a big smile and a hug - and that's all we have when we get down to it.


I mourn the death of the extended family and the place we have lost in that community of adults and children. Kurt Vonnegut summed it up when he said (and I paraphrase) that families, 2 parents 1 or 2 kids, struggle along as little survival pods.

Again, it sounds twee, but maybe we find our true significance and comfort in our family, true friends and communities. Nothing else matters.

The frightening bit now - it's a big cosmos, with 20,000,000 stars in our galaxy alone - we gotta love one another - s'all there is.

Ok - hippy rant over

Yes! Thank you--*this* was/is the exact issue with me and writing. This forum is a true gift!