Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums High School "I'm surrounded by idiots."

I think it has helped me to view others' illogical behavior as functional. That is, it may not make sense to me in my life, and it may not actually meet their own long-term goals for their lives, but it is -functional- in some way, in the short-term.

For example, when a child in need of mental health support yells at, insults, or otherwise sabotages attempts to provide them with counseling (peer or professional) support, it seems irrational from the outside (don't they want help?), but it might be behavior that is functional for them, because 1) in their family system, this behavior protects them from betrayal of trust (broken promises of support or intimacy); 2) acknowledging the need for support would mean betraying their own family system by admitting that it is flawed, and the need to maintain the illusion of a functional family system is higher than the need to resolve their own state of social-emotional conflict; or 3) they fear confronting their own internal social-emotional concerns, and are protecting themselves from having these exposed in an insight-oriented relationship. (Among other possibilities.)

Taking the position that there is some kind of logic behind other people's behavior (even if it isn't linear logic, or based on the same hierarchy of values as mine) makes it easier for me to work compassionately with a range of individuals. At the least, it becomes a kind of puzzle--figuring out what the basis of their behavior and decision-making is.

Yes-- to put that in lay terms; "what the H-E-double-hockey-sticks is s/he thinking??"

Only, you know-- not intended completely rhetorically and exclaimed out of pure frustration.

Puzzling over the motivations of others has allowed me to grow in my own metacognition, too, so that has been a personal bonus that I didn't anticipate.

To me, your insightful child is expressing what it feels like to be in the top percent for IQ. That realization comes in different ways at different times. It is very hard to understand why humans do the things that they do; it can seem to be that they are acting without as much thought as we know is possible by humans.

I thought the early teenage pregnancy story was a poignant example. For us, we see it as a societal issue that is trying to be solved. Around the globe, cultures struggle with such societal issues. When these societal issues continue on and even seem cyclical or impossible to resolve, you think, gosh, humans might be evolving more slowly than we would like.

I would just tell your child that, yes, different people think differently. That continues on throughout life. Also, I think it is okay to be emotional and have expression of those feelings. It would be stressful to keep it inside.

YES. I also had trouble understanding how anybody else thought, until I was surrounded by people more like myself; by the end of college I understood my classmates, then the broader world of the larger university where I went to grad school, and now I think I do okay with people in general. It's hard to be an adolescent in that clique-forming stage where no one around you is similar enough to form a clique with.
For my (younger) kids I try to give them talent search camps and the like so they have a chance to develop empathy that might transfer. Aside from that - It Gets Better.

My now 17 year old had to get out of the high school scene. She was crying a lot and boredom is dangerous for her. We went to some places that I really hope we never see again! I brought her home for homeschooling when she was 15. She now is still homeschooled but attends college and is soo much happier. She will graduate a year early from high school and be a sophomore in college. We do run into some problems based on her age but those snags seem so little compared to the troubles that she was having dealing with boredom and not having peers. When I was young I also left high school early (as you can tell from my writing:)) Everyone was against it. I felt pretty alone when I supported my daughter on this course. Now I would recommend it to anyone who has even thought of trying it. In college for the first time she really has been encouraged by her teachers to be who she is and to reach towards and embrace her intelligence. We had so few teachers through her public education that did that. Its like the school teachers are afraid to really recognize intelligence or something. The college teachers relish it! That alone has helped her to overcome her judgmental behavior because it is no longer so necessary as a survival tactic when surrounded by people so different than herself. Its kinda like an oxymoron...If that makes any sense:)