Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school sad at pre school - please help!

Hi all, my very outgoing confident and independent 4 year old has just started getting terribly upset at going to pre school (play based).She has been going there without issue for a year. She says there are no problems at school just that she is bored. I don't really know how she can be too bored as it is free play and the teachers are very interactive with the kids. I think she has a little trouble making friends and getting herself included in games, but then she tells the teachers that she prefers to play alone. I see this seems to be a problem across the board not just gifties - but wondering in anyone else has dealt with it.
I am looking at dropping her back to 2 days instead of the current 3 which may have been a bit ambitious on my part. Has anyone else had their child complain about boredom in a free play environment? I will add, although a particular teacher never seems to mind it does appear my dd clings to her all day and has made her the playmate. The teachers are at great pains to tell me when dd has made a friend or joins in a group activity.
as a side note - I won't take her out completely unless it's to send her somewhere else as home schooling won't be a long term option and like it or not she will need to learn how to fit in with her peers for school next year...

My #2 had exactly the same experience at this age (preK). Complaints that there was "not enough learning" happening, even though the design was mainly play. But if a little one is ready for more, there is a limit to how much dress-up, blocks, sand table, and trains one can tolerate in one week.

We did end up pulling out to homeschool. No reason you can't change the school arrangement next year, either. Kids' needs change from time to time, so we should feel free to change their instructional settings as well.

My DD never enjoyed free play as much as other kids her age. She still would often rather be reading a book or doing a workbook.

Do you do academic-type activities on the off days? Is your DD going to kindergarten next year? It might be worth looking into a school that provides more intellectual challenge.

I know from experience with play-based group activities I participate in with DS2.5 that he would lose his marbles in a pre-k/k aged setting.

We have all sorts of traditional open-ended kid favourites that you'd find at a good play-based preschool--Brio trains, a sandbox, blocks, puppets, costumes, art supplies, etc. He generally spurns most of them. About 90% of the time, he wants to do something other than those activities, like:

- play with Snap Circuits or our marble run
- build a model of a real machine, or the real deal
- go on a nature walk or bird
- play catch or soccer
- do an experiment
- visit the aquarium or museum
- read (and read, and read!) or visit the library (and read!)
- cook with me
- do home repairs or take apart appliances
- follow an elaborate imaginary play sequence on something esoteric (like pretending to be creatures in a tide pool talking about patterns of predation or parts of a car engine working together)
- banter with puns, spoonerisms, oxymorons, irony, and other word play
- compose a story, which I scribe for him

Most of his "90% activities" just require heavy adult interaction and are infeasible in a conventional school setting.

If the one teacher is amenable, maybe you can create some pet projects that your DD is enthusiastic about, with the teacher helping her as an intellectual sounding board/physical aide for the work requiring more mature physical dexterity. Or, could you send in academic challenge materials she likes to give her a taste of what she's craving?

I'm very much coming to appreciate that one child's play is another's drudgery, and v-v.

Just another thought for you - since this is something that has just started - is it possible that anything at preschool has changed that coincides with your dd being sad and saying she's bored? I would try to find out some more specifics from the staff and also think through whether or not there have been any changes, simply because one of my dd's had some difficulties in preschool and her way of describing what it was that she didn't like about it didn't include details that were truly enlightening about what was really going on - and that I wish I'd known. When each of my kids was 4-ish they would use "I'm bored" or "its boring" as a reason they didn't want to do something or go somewhere specific when there was more going on than just boredom.

Best wishes,

polarbear

My DD is at her 3rd (!) preschool for the year although we weren't very committed to her first 2 schools. With children on a "quirky" developmental path, it might take a few trials before you find the right setting for your DD.

DD met her social match at her current preschool. I've been talking to DD about not just playing with one special friend all the time and how it's better to make everyone feel included. She took my advice and now she says all boys at her school are her boyfriends. I don't think they feel the same way about her.

She was a very social baby and toddler but she definitely went through a phase when she seemed to have given up on her age-peers. We took a break from preschool and when she started at her current school, she was ready to socialize and it helped that there were older homeschooled children who are mostly very sweet and kind (school runs from 3 to 7). I'm glad that I didn't give up and kept on looking for a good fit but still not sure if I can find her a good K for her.

Thank you all so much!
Aquinas you could have described my dd - looks so much more sane when someone else says it...

I think I'm going to look at keeping her home this year, she starts year 1 (nz) next year. Have to convince dh it's a good idea though - he is firmly in the school is good for kids camp and thinks she won't learn to socialise at home

That's what's great about this forum-- there's almost always someone reading a post and nodding vigorously at what you're writing! I love that this is a place where our families can be "normal". Good luck on your journey! It sounds like you have a visceral understanding of what your DD needs which, aside from love and basic needs, is absolutely the best gift you can give her.

PM'd you.

Oh, I have been fighting the same battle.

My DD's school has a handful of older homeschooling children who attend one or two days a week and I honestly wish there were more children like them. My DD adores them since they are so patient and kind with her.

In typical public schools around here, kids actually don't have much chance to socialize with each other anyway. Instead, they mostly learn to behave within a group setting and basically obey adults in charge. If we end up homeschooling, I'd hope that DD could get enough socialization from a variety of homeschool classes and extracurricular activities.

I second what polarbear said about possible changes at preschool...

DS, now 8, enjoyed his first year of preschool. Soon into his second year, he began dragging his feet as we approached the entrance, and on a few occasions I had to pick him up and carry him over the threshold! He had a different set of teachers the second year, but it was well into the year before this change came over him.

I later learned the new teachers weren't as friendly, but not because he said anything. When I withdrew him from preschool and went to retrieve his extra clothes, etc., the teachers saw us in the hall (it was during nap time) and didn't even acknowledge him. Not a goodbye, sorry to see you go, nothing. And he was not a difficult student at all. He's ridiculously laid-back, and other staff could not praise him enough for being a "model" kid.

Btw, at the time I pulled him out, his goal at school was to learn to write just the letters in his first name (only has 5 letters!). Well, when I began homeschooling him, it became clear he was well beyond that and in fact, reading independently, could write complete sentences, with proper spelling, etc.

I think there's something to be said for children's innate ability to sense when people/environment isn't a good match, even if they can't quite articulate that.