Hi all, my very outgoing confident and independent 4 year old has just started getting terribly upset at going to pre school (play based).She has been going there without issue for a year. She says there are no problems at school just that she is bored. I don't really know how she can be too bored as it is free play and the teachers are very interactive with the kids. I think she has a little trouble making friends and getting herself included in games, but then she tells the teachers that she prefers to play alone. I see this seems to be a problem across the board not just gifties - but wondering in anyone else has dealt with it.
I am looking at dropping her back to 2 days instead of the current 3 which may have been a bit ambitious on my part. Has anyone else had their child complain about boredom in a free play environment? I will add, although a particular teacher never seems to mind it does appear my dd clings to her all day and has made her the playmate. The teachers are at great pains to tell me when dd has made a friend or joins in a group activity.
as a side note - I won't take her out completely unless it's to send her somewhere else as home schooling won't be a long term option and like it or not she will need to learn how to fit in with her peers for school next year...

My #2 had exactly the same experience at this age (preK). Complaints that there was "not enough learning" happening, even though the design was mainly play. But if a little one is ready for more, there is a limit to how much dress-up, blocks, sand table, and trains one can tolerate in one week.

We did end up pulling out to homeschool. No reason you can't change the school arrangement next year, either. Kids' needs change from time to time, so we should feel free to change their instructional settings as well.

My DD never enjoyed free play as much as other kids her age. She still would often rather be reading a book or doing a workbook.

Do you do academic-type activities on the off days? Is your DD going to kindergarten next year? It might be worth looking into a school that provides more intellectual challenge.

I know from experience with play-based group activities I participate in with DS2.5 that he would lose his marbles in a pre-k/k aged setting.

We have all sorts of traditional open-ended kid favourites that you'd find at a good play-based preschool--Brio trains, a sandbox, blocks, puppets, costumes, art supplies, etc. He generally spurns most of them. About 90% of the time, he wants to do something other than those activities, like:

- play with Snap Circuits or our marble run
- build a model of a real machine, or the real deal
- go on a nature walk or bird
- play catch or soccer
- do an experiment
- visit the aquarium or museum
- read (and read, and read!) or visit the library (and read!)
- cook with me
- do home repairs or take apart appliances
- follow an elaborate imaginary play sequence on something esoteric (like pretending to be creatures in a tide pool talking about patterns of predation or parts of a car engine working together)
- banter with puns, spoonerisms, oxymorons, irony, and other word play
- compose a story, which I scribe for him

Most of his "90% activities" just require heavy adult interaction and are infeasible in a conventional school setting.

If the one teacher is amenable, maybe you can create some pet projects that your DD is enthusiastic about, with the teacher helping her as an intellectual sounding board/physical aide for the work requiring more mature physical dexterity. Or, could you send in academic challenge materials she likes to give her a taste of what she's craving?

I'm very much coming to appreciate that one child's play is another's drudgery, and v-v.

Just another thought for you - since this is something that has just started - is it possible that anything at preschool has changed that coincides with your dd being sad and saying she's bored? I would try to find out some more specifics from the staff and also think through whether or not there have been any changes, simply because one of my dd's had some difficulties in preschool and her way of describing what it was that she didn't like about it didn't include details that were truly enlightening about what was really going on - and that I wish I'd known. When each of my kids was 4-ish they would use "I'm bored" or "its boring" as a reason they didn't want to do something or go somewhere specific when there was more going on than just boredom.

Best wishes,

polarbear

My DD is at her 3rd (!) preschool for the year although we weren't very committed to her first 2 schools. With children on a "quirky" developmental path, it might take a few trials before you find the right setting for your DD.

DD met her social match at her current preschool. I've been talking to DD about not just playing with one special friend all the time and how it's better to make everyone feel included. She took my advice and now she says all boys at her school are her boyfriends. I don't think they feel the same way about her.

She was a very social baby and toddler but she definitely went through a phase when she seemed to have given up on her age-peers. We took a break from preschool and when she started at her current school, she was ready to socialize and it helped that there were older homeschooled children who are mostly very sweet and kind (school runs from 3 to 7). I'm glad that I didn't give up and kept on looking for a good fit but still not sure if I can find her a good K for her.

Thank you all so much!
Aquinas you could have described my dd - looks so much more sane when someone else says it...

I think I'm going to look at keeping her home this year, she starts year 1 (nz) next year. Have to convince dh it's a good idea though - he is firmly in the school is good for kids camp and thinks she won't learn to socialise at home

That's what's great about this forum-- there's almost always someone reading a post and nodding vigorously at what you're writing! I love that this is a place where our families can be "normal". Good luck on your journey! It sounds like you have a visceral understanding of what your DD needs which, aside from love and basic needs, is absolutely the best gift you can give her.

PM'd you.

Oh, I have been fighting the same battle.

My DD's school has a handful of older homeschooling children who attend one or two days a week and I honestly wish there were more children like them. My DD adores them since they are so patient and kind with her.

In typical public schools around here, kids actually don't have much chance to socialize with each other anyway. Instead, they mostly learn to behave within a group setting and basically obey adults in charge. If we end up homeschooling, I'd hope that DD could get enough socialization from a variety of homeschool classes and extracurricular activities.

I second what polarbear said about possible changes at preschool...

DS, now 8, enjoyed his first year of preschool. Soon into his second year, he began dragging his feet as we approached the entrance, and on a few occasions I had to pick him up and carry him over the threshold! He had a different set of teachers the second year, but it was well into the year before this change came over him.

I later learned the new teachers weren't as friendly, but not because he said anything. When I withdrew him from preschool and went to retrieve his extra clothes, etc., the teachers saw us in the hall (it was during nap time) and didn't even acknowledge him. Not a goodbye, sorry to see you go, nothing. And he was not a difficult student at all. He's ridiculously laid-back, and other staff could not praise him enough for being a "model" kid.

Btw, at the time I pulled him out, his goal at school was to learn to write just the letters in his first name (only has 5 letters!). Well, when I began homeschooling him, it became clear he was well beyond that and in fact, reading independently, could write complete sentences, with proper spelling, etc.

I think there's something to be said for children's innate ability to sense when people/environment isn't a good match, even if they can't quite articulate that.

My younger child was extremely unhappy at his last preschool after having been happy at a different one. He also said he was bored. It got very bad, to the point of crying many days before school. I could not find anything wrong about the environment, other than the fact that it was possibly a little too pre-academic, but they ha dplenty of puppets, blocks, kitchen play, etc. It was a miserable year and I was very worried about kindergarten. Lo and behold, K has been completely fine (he has a great teacher and does go to 1st part-time). It's not clear to me exactly why preschool was so bad, but there was apparently a mismatch somehow. I guess my only advice would be to go and observe.

Thanks all - what wonderful support!!!!

After a chat with DH we have decided to give DD a day off every now and then to see if that helps, and we are also going to stump up for private testing. We both feel that as she is not "obviously" gifted that its really hard to communicate her needs to teachers, and even make the best decisions for her. If she gets a fabulously normal label we can persevere in the current environment with her peers. If she is def gifted we have a wonderful gifted drop in program we can use.

He is very worried that going from 2 days a week at kindy to 5 full days at school is too big a jump and wants to gently lead up to it - which in theory I agree with...

DH got the message the other day when I showed him a comparison of her art done at home vs kindy. At home is quite good, at kindy it's scribble, I told him the teachers were shocked she did a normal picture the other day so she's clearly holding back a little there.

[quote=polarbear]Just another thought for you - since this is something that has just started - is it possible that anything at preschool has changed that coincides with your dd being sad and saying she's bored? I would try to find out some more specifics from the staff and also think through whether or not there have been any changes, simply because one of my dd's had some difficulties in preschool and her way of describing what it was that she didn't like about it didn't include details that were truly enlightening about what was really going on - and that I wish I'd known. When each of my kids was 4-ish they would use "I'm bored" or "its boring" as a reason they didn't want to do something or go somewhere specific when there was more going on than just boredom.
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I have asked at kindy and basically they are saying nothing has happened and they do seem very open and proactive, have to admit the teacher seemed a bit miffed that dd could be bored and suggested she just couldn't articulate what the real problem is, which I find funny considering I get told on a weekly basis by the same teacher how articulate she is and able to express her feelings...

our dd 4 was in a preschool setting and didn't play much with the other kids; I had been asking to have her moved up to their k class in case that helped and b/c there was some more structured academics there which I think she'd really enjoy.

After a few weeks observation and discussion, they did do a trial and it really clicked for her, suddenly she had several friends and the teacher found her a delight and it was a great experience for her.

Thanks for that Chris. Sadly that's not an option here in NZ, besides which although I'm sure she would love it she's still "4" in terms of behaviour and I think she would struggle to keep up with a 6 hour a day 5 days a week class which is what our new entrants program is.

I've had her at home this week sick and she says she just misses me but she also says she wants to do diff adult lead activities. I asked her if she was going to kindy tomorrow and she said yes, If I wanted her to, but she really didn't want to go :-(

Think I'll just keep an eye on it for a few more weeks and pray that her being ill had a lot more to do with it...

Have you asked too if relationships of other kids have changed or if there were changes with other kids? DS3.5 out of the blue told DH he did not want to go to school one Sat night, and although we are not sure what drove that, one of the major changes we noticed was suddenly two of the classmates developed an exclusive friendship, and one of them even yelled at DS to walk away at drop off in front of DH. That exclusivity between the two kids wore off, but I suspect due to his emotional sensitivity and increasing boredom, that when that incident happened, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And at this age, they may suddenly realize that they are no longer in sync with their classmates(we know DS was holding back and his teacher had no idea that he was bored - but as soon as we moved him to pre-K, he found friends he loves - in the K room (pre-K and K will mix and play regularly throughout the day)).

He definitely could not tell us that he was not on the same page with the other kids, but in retrospect, it looks like his sudden change was his realization that the repetition (which normal children need) was getting too much for him, and he could not even count on the kids who used to be his friends to stave that boredom off... we only realized this afterwards that it was most likely the combination of multiple factors (no new toys, material repeated over and over, no friends at the same level).

When my DD was 4 I had her signed up for two preK (M/W/F & T/Th sessions) so that she would end up in preK for 2.5 hours for 5 days a week (I figured that would be a good lead in to K). She enjoyed the M/W/F session but wanted to leave the T/Th session (same teachers for both) because of the other kids in there. She said the T/Th kids all knew each other and didn't invite her to play, and that they didn't know their alphabet when she was reading and writing a little. So she ended up just going to preK for 2.5 hours for 3 days a week and had a lot of fun. I too had wanted to gently lead in to 5 days of K (half days) for the next year. But that's not how things turned out.

By the time there were parent-teacher conferences that year, her teachers told me they didn't know what K would teach her. I submitted an application to have her considered for Early Access to 1st grade as a 5 year old, and she was accepted after a series of evaluations.

She started 6.5 hour school days for 5 days a week when she was 5. Yes, she was a bit tired. Yes, she was a bit lost without knowing the various school procedures like any kid who just starts school. No, 1st grade was not even a challenge academically, but it was socially and physically, and the beginning took adjusting for all of us. Now, at the end of 4th grade, I can't imagine her being in 3rd grade. She enjoys school even though it's still too easy, loves her friends, and seems well-adjusted.

The adjustment to full days does take some time and is a "big jump" but I don't think it was damaging.

Thanks all again - there haven't been any major changes at kindy - they suggest it is a phase and that other kids are having a similar regression as we just had the easter break. They have however promised to keep an eye on things and she did seem to have a great day today, she doesn't want to go Monday though as she wants to stay home and work :-)
Anyway I made an apt with an ED psych today, we'll meet next week to discuss if testing is appropriate or if a plan can be put in place to support her instead. Now I'm freaking out that it's all in my head and the Dr is going to think I'm a neurotic mum. Guess lots of you have been through this too!

I am in NZ too and it is quite common for kids to feel like that as they approach 5. The kids they have been playing with are turning 5 and leaving. Sometimes they lose several.friends a week. They then only have younger kids to play with who can't do what they want to do.

Plenty of kids go to school having done none or little preschool and they adapt. If she is starting at the beginning of next year she will have had six weeks off anyway. I know it goes against everything we are told but the preschool years are not just about preparing for school, and the rest of childhood is not about preparing for some job. The things we learn will be useful for school and work but they are mostly intended to grow a good person.

Have you looked into Explorers Club and Small Poppies? You don't necessarily have to test to be able to attend.
At that age, DD became a bit of a thought leader at kindy, which luckily the teachers were open to! She was full of ideas. Eg, she'd be big into making her own books, so they did a few book-making projects at kindy, and she was into phonics so they got in some CDs/worksheets which DD did with a few other interested kids. Perhaps you and DD can come up with a few project suggestions she can take in? Or at least send along some 'care packages' with her, something she's really into that she can work on?
The other good thing they had at DD's kindy was a separate room that only the 4yos were allowed in (at certain times of the day), with a computer with simple games, big kid toys like hard puzzles, construction equipment, special books etc. That was a great way of making the 4yos feel like big kids

Thanks AvoCado, yes I am looking at small poppies. She seems to find things to do at kindy - they have shown her the storeroom with the challenging things in, I think it made a difference the other day when I showed her where the Ispy books were. I am a bit reluctant to go to small poppies until I speak to the Ed Psych.
I have been staying with her a while at drop off to make sure she knows where everything she needs is. it's a well equipped kindy and the teachers do seem very aware.

I'm still stuck in the "what if it's all in my head and I am delusional" loop. Due to her confidence dropping she is seeming less gifted right now. Her Dad who is very analytical and sensible thinks she is just bright sooooo really very nervous about getting out there and advocating right now. I think after talking to the EP I'll feel more confident.
I'm sure you're totally familiar with the good old kiwi way of not sticking your neck out, doesn't help when I say to friends, oh dd did this or that and I get a curt, yes well they all do that. rambling now!

Penny just dropped thanks to another thread! Dd wants to change pre school to meet like minded friends in addition to her have fun friends. Phew will talk to ed psych about recommendations - thinking best to keep her where she is and join small poppies, I don't think she'd get in anecdotally but an EP report shod do the trick - yay

I think for small poppies GEC does their own assessment as part of a poppy peek. Contact them and see. You don't want to get her tested now if you have to do it again later.

Great idea puffin, I'll call tomorrow

My son attending two preschool when he was 2-3 yrs old (actually still attending now).
One of the mommy and me class has lots of art works to play with, a very fun circle time with many dances and include many things to learn in the songs, e.g. opposites, phonics. He loves it so much, it is play based but with lots of new things to do and learn.
Another preschool is a play-based, with 1 art work and 1 songs for circle time and story time. Other times are free play, 1 hr indoor and 1 hr outdoor, other kids like it so much and same as you, the teachers are very nice. But my son is so boring that, the art is too easy for him that during the first 1hr free play time, he keep on doing the same art many time, and of course in his own way to make it more fun. For the outdoor playtime, he just keep writing his numbers, not involved with other kids at all.
As I go to both school with him, I now understand that a free play school is not for him, although I always think that free play school is good for kids. Now I understand that I should search a good fit preschool for him. Finally find a warm Christian school which use Montessori materials in classroom for him in the coming fall, hope it is a good fit for him.

May be you could try to visit other preschool and see which one ur daughter likes, I think she can tell u about it.

(my son told me he doesn't like the teacher, or doesn't like the toys there when I go to visit some preschool...)

DD has been in a play based kindy, it turns out the problem is that she is craving adult or peer companionship and as such was getting bored when the poor teachers couldn't spend all day with her. She just is no good at entertaining herself for long periods of time. I also attended playcentre with her which is parent run kindy here in NZ, to be honest it required a lot of time from me and it became an expectation that I spent more and more time with other children which just wasn't the reason I was there.

At this stage I have withdrawn her from kindy and now that she has been off for 3 weeks she is back to her old self. We just completed testing so once the results come back in 2 weeks I'll make a decision what to do. We have found a Montessori that has a very high teacher/child ratio - my only concern is that if she is just going to focus on her interests she is going to top out the learning material very quickly.....

Anyway now that she is happy I'm not too stressed, but I have to be honest, with a toddler at home I'm kind of looking forward to having a few hours here and there break.

I have also enrolled her in small poppies, they took her without assessment so that was great - she has been a ball of confidence ever since!

Aquinas, Your DS sounds just like mine. He tried to take the vacuum apart the other day! He also disliked any sort of free play or circle time. Would rather be doing something constructive. Engineering type things.

It's so funny you say that aimelynn38, because my DS did exactly the same thing with my parents' vacuum while we visited on vacation. I hope that same interest in chores and vacuums persists into the teen years!