Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Age or Ability Specific Forums Pre-school sad at pre school - please help!

My younger child was extremely unhappy at his last preschool after having been happy at a different one. He also said he was bored. It got very bad, to the point of crying many days before school. I could not find anything wrong about the environment, other than the fact that it was possibly a little too pre-academic, but they ha dplenty of puppets, blocks, kitchen play, etc. It was a miserable year and I was very worried about kindergarten. Lo and behold, K has been completely fine (he has a great teacher and does go to 1st part-time). It's not clear to me exactly why preschool was so bad, but there was apparently a mismatch somehow. I guess my only advice would be to go and observe.

Thanks all - what wonderful support!!!!

After a chat with DH we have decided to give DD a day off every now and then to see if that helps, and we are also going to stump up for private testing. We both feel that as she is not "obviously" gifted that its really hard to communicate her needs to teachers, and even make the best decisions for her. If she gets a fabulously normal label we can persevere in the current environment with her peers. If she is def gifted we have a wonderful gifted drop in program we can use.

He is very worried that going from 2 days a week at kindy to 5 full days at school is too big a jump and wants to gently lead up to it - which in theory I agree with...

DH got the message the other day when I showed him a comparison of her art done at home vs kindy. At home is quite good, at kindy it's scribble, I told him the teachers were shocked she did a normal picture the other day so she's clearly holding back a little there.

[quote=polarbear]Just another thought for you - since this is something that has just started - is it possible that anything at preschool has changed that coincides with your dd being sad and saying she's bored? I would try to find out some more specifics from the staff and also think through whether or not there have been any changes, simply because one of my dd's had some difficulties in preschool and her way of describing what it was that she didn't like about it didn't include details that were truly enlightening about what was really going on - and that I wish I'd known. When each of my kids was 4-ish they would use "I'm bored" or "its boring" as a reason they didn't want to do something or go somewhere specific when there was more going on than just boredom.
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I have asked at kindy and basically they are saying nothing has happened and they do seem very open and proactive, have to admit the teacher seemed a bit miffed that dd could be bored and suggested she just couldn't articulate what the real problem is, which I find funny considering I get told on a weekly basis by the same teacher how articulate she is and able to express her feelings...

our dd 4 was in a preschool setting and didn't play much with the other kids; I had been asking to have her moved up to their k class in case that helped and b/c there was some more structured academics there which I think she'd really enjoy.

After a few weeks observation and discussion, they did do a trial and it really clicked for her, suddenly she had several friends and the teacher found her a delight and it was a great experience for her.

Thanks for that Chris. Sadly that's not an option here in NZ, besides which although I'm sure she would love it she's still "4" in terms of behaviour and I think she would struggle to keep up with a 6 hour a day 5 days a week class which is what our new entrants program is.

I've had her at home this week sick and she says she just misses me but she also says she wants to do diff adult lead activities. I asked her if she was going to kindy tomorrow and she said yes, If I wanted her to, but she really didn't want to go :-(

Think I'll just keep an eye on it for a few more weeks and pray that her being ill had a lot more to do with it...

Have you asked too if relationships of other kids have changed or if there were changes with other kids? DS3.5 out of the blue told DH he did not want to go to school one Sat night, and although we are not sure what drove that, one of the major changes we noticed was suddenly two of the classmates developed an exclusive friendship, and one of them even yelled at DS to walk away at drop off in front of DH. That exclusivity between the two kids wore off, but I suspect due to his emotional sensitivity and increasing boredom, that when that incident happened, it was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And at this age, they may suddenly realize that they are no longer in sync with their classmates(we know DS was holding back and his teacher had no idea that he was bored - but as soon as we moved him to pre-K, he found friends he loves - in the K room (pre-K and K will mix and play regularly throughout the day)).

He definitely could not tell us that he was not on the same page with the other kids, but in retrospect, it looks like his sudden change was his realization that the repetition (which normal children need) was getting too much for him, and he could not even count on the kids who used to be his friends to stave that boredom off... we only realized this afterwards that it was most likely the combination of multiple factors (no new toys, material repeated over and over, no friends at the same level).

When my DD was 4 I had her signed up for two preK (M/W/F & T/Th sessions) so that she would end up in preK for 2.5 hours for 5 days a week (I figured that would be a good lead in to K). She enjoyed the M/W/F session but wanted to leave the T/Th session (same teachers for both) because of the other kids in there. She said the T/Th kids all knew each other and didn't invite her to play, and that they didn't know their alphabet when she was reading and writing a little. So she ended up just going to preK for 2.5 hours for 3 days a week and had a lot of fun. I too had wanted to gently lead in to 5 days of K (half days) for the next year. But that's not how things turned out.

By the time there were parent-teacher conferences that year, her teachers told me they didn't know what K would teach her. I submitted an application to have her considered for Early Access to 1st grade as a 5 year old, and she was accepted after a series of evaluations.

She started 6.5 hour school days for 5 days a week when she was 5. Yes, she was a bit tired. Yes, she was a bit lost without knowing the various school procedures like any kid who just starts school. No, 1st grade was not even a challenge academically, but it was socially and physically, and the beginning took adjusting for all of us. Now, at the end of 4th grade, I can't imagine her being in 3rd grade. She enjoys school even though it's still too easy, loves her friends, and seems well-adjusted.

The adjustment to full days does take some time and is a "big jump" but I don't think it was damaging.

Thanks all again - there haven't been any major changes at kindy - they suggest it is a phase and that other kids are having a similar regression as we just had the easter break. They have however promised to keep an eye on things and she did seem to have a great day today, she doesn't want to go Monday though as she wants to stay home and work :-)
Anyway I made an apt with an ED psych today, we'll meet next week to discuss if testing is appropriate or if a plan can be put in place to support her instead. Now I'm freaking out that it's all in my head and the Dr is going to think I'm a neurotic mum. Guess lots of you have been through this too!

I am in NZ too and it is quite common for kids to feel like that as they approach 5. The kids they have been playing with are turning 5 and leaving. Sometimes they lose several.friends a week. They then only have younger kids to play with who can't do what they want to do.

Plenty of kids go to school having done none or little preschool and they adapt. If she is starting at the beginning of next year she will have had six weeks off anyway. I know it goes against everything we are told but the preschool years are not just about preparing for school, and the rest of childhood is not about preparing for some job. The things we learn will be useful for school and work but they are mostly intended to grow a good person.

Have you looked into Explorers Club and Small Poppies? You don't necessarily have to test to be able to attend.
At that age, DD became a bit of a thought leader at kindy, which luckily the teachers were open to! She was full of ideas. Eg, she'd be big into making her own books, so they did a few book-making projects at kindy, and she was into phonics so they got in some CDs/worksheets which DD did with a few other interested kids. Perhaps you and DD can come up with a few project suggestions she can take in? Or at least send along some 'care packages' with her, something she's really into that she can work on?
The other good thing they had at DD's kindy was a separate room that only the 4yos were allowed in (at certain times of the day), with a computer with simple games, big kid toys like hard puzzles, construction equipment, special books etc. That was a great way of making the 4yos feel like big kids