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I am concerned about Irena's DS having to ask for the accommodation let alone having him be the one to document it not occurring. All sorts of bad scenarios are running through my head...

When they denied it was happening with my DD we made an appointment with DD's 2 biggest supporters on the IEP team. They first said they wanted a meeting with the whole team and I said it was not my intention to embarrass the teacher in front of her colleagues but if they refused to meet with us I would have no choice. After allowing them the opportunity to deny it was happening I brought out 2 piles of papers. One done while para was in the room and one done when she was out. The difference was striking. I then asked them to point to a single example of the work being modified or DD's disabilities being accommodated on these examples. That was it - they knew we had the proof. At the next IEP meeting these 2 requested that DD be assigned a full time para.

The IEP has to be *crystal* clear though so there is no dispute about *when* to accommodate. Your DS should NOT have to ask for this. In our case we got to the point of saying "no near or far point copying tasks" and DD "may write a maximum of 2 sentences herself". Anything more than this had to be scribed or completed outside the classroom with the OT, spec ED teacher or in the resource room with the para. Again it was crystal clear - a copying task in DD's handwriting was a clear violation. More than 2 sentences in her handwriting without signatures from OT, spec Ed teacher or para (with a written remark about where it occurred) was a clear violation. No individual complaints just crystal clear message to them that their IEP violations were being documented.

It is tough but you have to remove emotion from this part. A clear IEP with *very* specific guidelines is needed. I can't emphasize this enough. If something is left to opinion, interpretation or emotion you will just be spinning your wheels.

I understand your intent Sweetie, and I'm not criticizing your idea, but I wouldn't recommend doing this. A student should never have to request the accommodations outlined in their IEP or 504 plan, and at the age of Irena's ds, they shouldn't even have to be making a conscious decision to use them - the school should be routinely providing them.


Have you asked about reduced tuition? I suspect you're caught in the dreaded make-too-much-$ to qualify but it's something to consider. The private schools I've been involved with each had students attending at reduced tuition rates. I also wonder what the sped attorneys you know have to say about the probability of success in seeking an OOD placement - have you asked them what they thought? (No need to answer here, just thought it was worth discussing with them if you haven't already).

Best wishes,

polarbear

Yes, no offense to Sweetie but her suggestion is actually a horrible idea for a small child who has disabilities to have to ask AND document. I can't even go into all of the ways that such an idea is just a really bad one. School is already stressful enough for him . He already has and anxiety disorder from dealing with the adults in school who fight and moan and have otherwise been VERY bothered by the fact that he was born with a disability that is slightly inconvenient for them and that they do not understand. And I think people forget how intimidated a child can feel in the presence of teachers and all of the authority figures at school. No. That is a super bad idea.



Yes. I accomplished this finally at the end of last year. It was a long drawn out veritable battle that many here saw me through. I did ultimately hire a lawyer. DS now has a CRYSTAL clear IEP. And, yes, there was also a battle over whether or not he needs to ask, which I won ... in theory ... However, as you can see, he still needs to ask. That isn't even my problem. Now that he has enough guts to ask, they take it a step further and deny him. Make him ask repeatedly. Make it difficult. Are reluctant so that he feels like he is bothering them or going to be in trouble, Because SOME TEACHERS are just not happy that he is bothering their day with his disability. He had to practically beg this teacher to allow him to type his spelling words rather than write. Really, how is that such a big bother to her?

Yes, well, DS just doesn't write at all... The sheets are left blank. And I tried last year to get the proof from them and the worksheets disappeared... Many of these sheets don't get sent home. I am not sure what they do with them or if they are suppose to be sent home at the end of the term or what but I don't get them. And when I request them and they are potentially incriminating, they disappear. I never see them. Last year regarding this type of thing, the principal told teachers they were not allow to email me about DS's work, send me anything or talk to me about it or anything. All my requests had to go through him and he would get me the info/worksheets which of course he never did. But that was last year. And that was when I got a lawyer and the ass't superintendent involved. It's better this year.

But, like I said, DS gets these teachers - either it's a "specials" teacher or in this case it's the language arts teacher... and they are annoyed about him being the only kid who gets to type his work. Or gets to do his test orally or gets a scribe. It's tiring and demoralizing. I guess we are not at the level yet of OOD but I guess I'd like there to be a threat of it (to the school) or the hope of it (for us). When I posted my original post I just felt a bit hopeless that this is what every year will be like and wanted hope that I some sort of leverage and some hope to maybe keep in my head.

Yes, this is what gets me too. That is exactly what's happening and it also has the added benefit to the principal of sucking me into an infuriating he said-she said fight wherein my emotions make me look badly. However, having an attorney helps that. Fortunately, I haven't actually "lost it" on the school in any way that makes me look badly/crazy but have come close. Also the last two times, my attorney pointed out principal didn't clearly deny the violation and told me that what we have is enough for documentation purposes - and also pulling me back from engaging in an argument with principal which could make me look badly and which would motivate him to make a clear denial. So I guess that is good. But yeah. Hence, my wish to get out of there ...

OK now the next step that some here may disagree with: if it is supposed to be scribed and it isn't he does not do the assignment. Period. No asking for it. No reminding them. If his hand hurts he stops.

I don't know how your DS's anxiety shows itself but my DD would shut down or develop somatic complaints. I made clear to her she would *never* be in trouble for not completing work at school. Again if you have blank pages there is evidence that scribing was not provided. Trust me if they provide a scribe and he refuses to answer THEY will document this so a blank or partially finished page is solid evidence.

Does your IEP designate a specific number of words, lines or sentences he is allowed to write without a scribe? Does it identify when he *can't* be expected to write it himself? Does it specifically state he is not to be expected to ask for the accommodation? DD's teacher last year thought for sure she was helping by telling DD "Do as much of it as you can yourself before you ask for help." They were telling me how great it was that DD was *able* to write more than I thought she was able to. Yeah and then the migraines, the shutting down and the school anxiety ramped up big time. She became even more aware of her weaknesses and wanted to badly to be like the other kids. Teacher never understood that requiring DD to work to the point of failure or fatigue was not good for her.

If OOD is your goal then your response to this situation has to be one that gets you there. Some of it may seem counter intuitive. You want him to succeed. You want him to learn. You want his time in school to be well spent. Sad to say all these things make getting OOD more difficult. Like the family that spends thousands of dollars on tutoring so their child can pass by the bare minimum and is then denied services because he is not testing below grade level. You need to let him perform at his *actual* level - not the level he fights for by asking over and over for supports that aren't being automatically provided. It's hard but to qualify for OOD you have to be prepared to stand on the sidelines and watch him fail. It's gut check time on this one. We get so used to advocating that it is hard to watch them suffer but in my experience its a necessary step in the process.

Yes, I fall in the "can't afford it but make to much to qualify for any substantial aid" category. The first special-ed attorney that I consulted last year advised me to send my kid to the other school asap (last year) and then sue for reimbursement for OOD. But I can't really afford all that and it could of course be denied. I actually haven't chatted with my current attorney yet b/c, well, she charges me every time I talk to her Also, things haven't been as bad this year as last. My current attorney hasn't even written them a letter yet, she has only helped me with mine and my communications with the school. She will though if more violations happen. So, obviously I guess OOD is premature ... But is it? Are these years not cumulative. This year isn't so bad - with only about three violations so far, but from my perspective it feels like it is never-ending b/c last year was horrible and even the year before (but we only had a 504 back then). Is all of this cumulative or is each year a new start with it ending just when the violations get bad enough and then we start the next year with fresh new prejudices from new teachers? I guess that is a question for my attorney.

I seriously now know why people with children with disabilities put listening devices on their children. It feels like that is the only way to prove that what is happening to your child is indeed really happening. Don't think I haven't dreamed of doing it.

Sorry - you must have posted as I was typing.

Add to the IEP that ALL worksheets will be sent home. Every minute of his day is to be accounted for. Major PITA for the teachers but if evidence is being "disappeared" it's a legitimate request. When they balk at this present it as being done for their benefit. Afterall you and DS both hallucinate -right? If they can document every minute of every day you can't claim things are missing now can you?

Yes, Yes and yes. We had this exact same problem last year: And that was how we ended up with a really good IEP. Because I HAD to put a stop to it. So, yeah, I guess we are really on the right road it seems. Ticking each box here...

DS does type a lot now... so that's good. It's the math that is getting problematic now because as they embark on long addition, subtraction, multiplication and division the dysgraphia really interferes with that and the school can't seem to figure out how he can "do worksheets" and type them. (and yes it is time for my snide remark that I am not sure what we even need teachers for all they are completely useless without their precious "worksheets.") They did put Panther Math Peper on his Ipad but DS says he hasn't yet figured out all of the functions and how to do the carry function. Turns out, they put it on his ipad and never showed him how to use it. He says teacher doesn't know how to use it. C'mon really?

As an aside (or maybe not), in the midst of all of this, it is starting to feel like the school wants this all to be about ADD/behavioral... Almost as if they what to convolute the issues - almost like they'd RATHER all this be about ADHD and not EDS and dysgraphia. For example, they wanted to do an FBA (even though he is never in trouble or disruptive or anything). I still do not understand why they asked for that. And they want to talk attention all of the time when I think what we really need is what they are not bringing up - I think we need an Assistive Tech eval. For example, when I said "no" to doing OT in math class, principal emailed back saying he agrees with me, but not because it is a bad idea for kids with dysgraphia and EDS - he based it on "DS attention difficulties." It's a bad idea for dysgraphics period whether they have ADHD or not. Why does the school suggest an FBA instead of an assistive technology eval? It just is so weird to me and I am seriously suspicious of it but I can not figure out what they are up to.

I assume I can request an Assistive Tech eval, right? I guess I should formally do it, in writing. And I need to do what Polarbear advised me a few months ago - get the assistive tech stuff in his IEP.

Oh this is good idea. I will do this we have a meeting in two weeks. This will be on my agenda.