Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Twice Exceptional HELP re P/T conference tomorrow!

So we have DS' p/t conference tomorrow. I was anticipating just the usual 15 minute fluff conference with just the teacher (that's all we signed up for). DS's progress report is fine as far as I am concerned... I mean, it is of course not really reflective of his abilities (for eg, he got "PH" in all reading and math but,really, since he is grade levels above in both should they really be As for "advanced?" but I am trying not to get neurotic and nit-picky about grade reports that really mean nothing.) (oh and the scale is PL for proficient low, P for proficient, PH for Proficient High and A for advanced.)

As per usual with this school, they LOVE to catch me off-guard! Twenty minutes ago I get an email from the teacher stating that she "has invited everyone that DS works with to the conference" Uh, okay, really? So I guess this will be longer than 15 minutes then, right? And I am going to this alone b/c DH just had surgery and we have no childcare anyways... And who are "everyone?" All the teachers? or all of the iep people?

Now ,I am annnoyed b/c this is not what I was expecting. I was expecting a light 15minute conversation with the teacher. Does this mean there are bigger issues to discuss? If we are going to have an IEP meeting or a pseudo-iep meeting then give me some notice, ykim? I am just not in the mood for this... I always feel ganged up on... Not that I think they have anything to gang up on me about but why are they all coming? It makes me uneasy and I feel vulnerable..

I am really, really considering cancelling it and rescheduling when I can have my husband with me. Is that bad?

I just have PTSD from this school, LOL ... I welcome anyone's opinion even if it is that I am overreacting... What do y'all think?

I don't have any advice, but man, this type of ambush really seems to be their thing. Whatever you decide, trust your instincts, be on your guard, and know that you can always listen to what they have to say and respond at a later time.

Good luck.

IEP you get two weeks notice on official forms (not email) and two separate notifications with details about what will be done at the meeting (updating goals, exploring more evaluation, develop a behavior plan, etc.)

This sounds more like a really big p/t conference...if you feel uneasy cancel and reschedule, or find a friend to bring with you?

At the middle school if you want a pt conference and only need to speak with say the math teacher...you still have to meet with the whole 7 teacher team at least in the beginning and then some teachers leave. It does feel pretty much like you against them...but they all have roles...one takes notes, one runs the meeting, one has printed off all sorts of grade information off the online grading system, etc.

I just don't understand it... this isn't the way parent-teacher conferences work at this level. He's not in middle school and I don't know of any issues that would necessitate this. And we just had an IEP meeting about 6 weeks ago. His grades seems fine and no one has contacted me with any issues and DS seems happy enough. So why is it being done this way and why wasn't I informed before this? Obviously, they had to schedule this among themselves so they knew they were going to do this. I was planning on heading to work right after the conference and I was not planning on it being a protracted conference, which obviously it looks like it will be. They sent home a form about two weeks ago asking the parents if they would like anyone else at the p/t meeting and what issues and concerns you have. I put down I did not need to see anyone else and had no big concerns.

This school spent all of last year "catching me off-guard" So I am very suspicious.

Honestly, I always feel ganged up on and unprepared and I hate it. I hate meeting with them. I hate the whole thing. As long as DS's grades are decent and he seems happy then I don't even want to do a parent-teacher conference. I am more than happy to just coast along as is...

The same thing happened to me. The week before school started I emailed DS's first grade teacher and said briefly that he is "unusual", we had a neuropsych eval done the previous spring, he has an IEP, he had a TBI, etc. I wanted to have a casual conversation with the new teacher about his recent history and come up with some sort of tentative plan on how to deal with him. Next thing I know I get an email from her stating that she invited the IEP manager to join us as well as the OT and principal. I had a 1-day notice. So what was intended to be a casual meeting for me to introduce myself and DS, turned into an IEP meeting, complete with the form for everyone to sign. Considering I had major concerns about his IEP and how they had handled things the previous year, that did not make me happy. The IEP manager was probably trying to make sure I had no opportunity to talk to the teacher privately (I think she found out and basically invited herself). So much for being able to talk freely to the teacher about my concerns!

For the latest IEP meeting where they were going to go through eval results, I specifically asked that they give me a report of results ahead of time. I got half of them but not the other half. So I had to listen to a play-by-play of the assessment from the adapted PE teacher of DS and his clumsiness (it was almost comical) while 10 people watched me take it all in.

I think it is within your right to ask what is going to be talked about at this conference and who will be there. If you feel uncomfortable with it, tell her that you would prefer to meet privately for the conference and you can schedule another meeting if other people have information to share.

Could you send a reply politely fishing for more information? Something like, "It sounds like this might take longer than a normal 15 minute p/t conference. Should I block out more time in my schedule?... I'm happy to talk to the "team." Can you give me an idea why everyone has been invited? DH is out of town and if it's outside the normal p/t conference information, we might need to set up another meeting with everyone so he can be present too."

Maybe the teacher will give you some insights to help you make a better decision... or maybe just dodge your questions. But if you're polite, I don't think it will hurt.

Thoughts:

1. Bring a friend to take notes for you.

2. Treat it as information-gathering. Ask a ton of questions (and have your friend write down everything). When they assert things, ask follow-up questions so it's crystal clear what they are getting at.

3. If they ask to decide something you are uncomfortable with, ask to convene the team again after you've had a chance to consult your DH. You do NOT have to commit to anything on the spot.

Just cancel it...something came up and you can't attend.

Kathryn - that is exactly what I did! I am awaiting her reply. If she doesn't respond, then I am presently planning on cancelling the meeting in the morning saying basically that 'this seems more involved and outside the normal p/t conference protocol... in addition it seems like it will take longer than I have prepared for in my schedule, so we will need to set up another meeting with everyone so DH and I can be both be present. I would also like to know in advanced what the issues are so that we can prepare, etc...'

On my phone so this will be brief and most likely garbled by auto-correct! But fwiw - we were surprised without notice at our ds' first PT conference after ge gad an IEP by this exact thing - but with no forewarning. Our school did it so they could report where ds was at in making progress toward IEP goals. I suspect that somewhere in distinct or state policy there was a box that needed to be checked off saying the staff had met and communicated progress toward goals and they used this as a way to check off that box on their to-do list.

I think what I would do in your position is to send an email to your ds' teacher thanking her for the heads-up. If you don't have any concerns at this point in time I'd ask what their role wold be at the meeting but still plan to attend. If you have things you'd like to discuss with the team I'd ask that the meeting be postponed until both you and your db are able to AT&T d and when you can schedule more than 15 minutes.

Hope it's nothing!

polarbear