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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 1,733
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Joined: May 2012
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The same thing happened to me. The week before school started I emailed DS's first grade teacher and said briefly that he is "unusual", we had a neuropsych eval done the previous spring, he has an IEP, he had a TBI, etc. I wanted to have a casual conversation with the new teacher about his recent history and come up with some sort of tentative plan on how to deal with him. Next thing I know I get an email from her stating that she invited the IEP manager to join us as well as the OT and principal. I had a 1-day notice. So what was intended to be a casual meeting for me to introduce myself and DS, turned into an IEP meeting, complete with the form for everyone to sign. Considering I had major concerns about his IEP and how they had handled things the previous year, that did not make me happy. The IEP manager was probably trying to make sure I had no opportunity to talk to the teacher privately (I think she found out and basically invited herself). So much for being able to talk freely to the teacher about my concerns!
For the latest IEP meeting where they were going to go through eval results, I specifically asked that they give me a report of results ahead of time. I got half of them but not the other half. So I had to listen to a play-by-play of the assessment from the adapted PE teacher of DS and his clumsiness (it was almost comical) while 10 people watched me take it all in.
I think it is within your right to ask what is going to be talked about at this conference and who will be there. If you feel uncomfortable with it, tell her that you would prefer to meet privately for the conference and you can schedule another meeting if other people have information to share. Thanks, Blackcat, you really get it. So I feel less "crazy" now  This could be nothing... but thank you for pointing out that it is within my right to ask what is going to be talked about at this conference and who will be there. I agree.
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Joined: Oct 2013
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Honestly, some families get labeled as "problems" because they are the squeaky wheels. Obviously some people complain because they're never happy, but there are many who are just advocating for their kids. Unfortunately they often get lumped together in the same category.
Maybe past teachers have "warned" the new teacher about you so she/he doesn't feel comfortable talking to you without a witness. Hopefully he/she will see that you're a reasonable person who just wants what is best for your child, and the stigma will be dropped.
Please don't think I'm saying that you deserve this type of label, but if this is what has happened, I can understand the teacher feeling the need for someone else in the room. Like I said, hopefully he/she will see you and your family for what y'all are. Good luck!
Last edited by KathrynH; 11/24/13 07:04 PM.
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Thanks so much Polarbear, KADmom, Sweetie and DeeDee!
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Joined: May 2012
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Honestly, some families get labeled as "problems" because they are the squeaky wheels. Oh I am very sure I have this label! LOL. I had to fight really hard last year to get and KEEP my son's accommodations and it was NOT PRETTY. AT. ALL. But, so far this year has been fine. DS seems happy, he reports he is getting his accommodations. He is in GT program. His grades appear to be good. He is in a differientiated math group. He is way above grade level in reading and math. He's so high in reading he doesn't even have a group - he's by himself. There was a problem with the spelling teacher (different than the regular teacher) making him write out 30 spelling words but I emailed teacher and principal and the issues was resolved quickly and he is permitted to type his spelling sorts and sort tests now. Anyway, it could be just a meeting with everyone just because I am a pain and they are simply trying to please me... but I want some notice and some idea of what is in store - like, if there are "issues/concerns" I want to know ahead what they are; and, if there are not any, then I'd like to know that too. Part of it is that these people just traumatized me last year - and I assure you I am not easily traumatized! But I guess when it's one's child, one is even more vulnerable....
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Joined: May 2012
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I also don't want to meet with all of these people by myself... Not that DH says much at all but still... it's better than not having anyone. I went to the last IEP by myself but I knew ahead of time pretty much everything that would be discussed so I felt quite prepared. I just hate the surprise ambush.
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Joined: Oct 2013
Posts: 111
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But I guess when it's one's child, one is even more vulnerable.... Very true! I sincerely hope that this year's teacher will see you and your requests as rational and reasonable (which I'm sure they are).
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Joined: May 2013
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My Dh is the same way. It's infuriating how he just sits there, and when he does say something, it's usually not helpful. But just having him there makes me feel like it's both of us together rather than just me against them.
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So, I finally just heard back from her (yes at almost 11pm). She said she doesn't anticipate it taking longer than 20 minutes and that it will be her, GT teacher, the spelling teacher, the differentiated math teacher, the art teacher, and the special-ed teacher. She doesn't say the principal will be there but I am sure he will be as he never likes me talking to the teachers without his being present.
I don't know about this. I am not sure why this is making me so uncomfortable. It just seems so odd... I have a knot in my stomach because I feel like I am going to be hit with something but I don't know what. And, yet, all of his test grades are good and he is feeling good about school.
I don't know what to do.
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Joined: Apr 2010
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I'd say, go and listen.
If it's truly a blindside, know that they cannot change your child's placement without your permission, and if they are making requests of any kind in the meeting, you don't have to say yes to anything you don't want. You are part of the school team for your child.
But it may just be that your child is complex and they want to show you all the perspectives. Conferences ARE complex when your child is 2E. Better to know than not, even when it's hard on you.
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Joined: Dec 2012
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with that many people it will take 20 minutes to get organised
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