Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums General Discussion behavior problems in school

I thought I'd make this a separate thread from my intro, as it has more to do with my son's behavior, mostly in school. Basically, it's going downhill. E has been suspended three times since coming back from winter break; the third time was today. He's having better behavior in class, but now the problem seems to be during lunch and recess, and sometimes at home.

E has started hitting kids during recess, which obviously is unacceptable. When he gets called in to the principal's office, he starts acting really weird, almost infantile. He'll crawl under the table, run away if possible, refuse to talk (but will make shrieking noises sometimes). He does this at home sometimes, too, if we ask him to do something he doesn't want to do (homework, clean his room, etc). It's as if he's reverting to toddler stage, and it's just about impossible to talk with him or get him to do anything when he's like this. The plus-side for him is that he gets left alone, at least for a time, and doesn't have to face consequences.

The school is still working on his evaluation, but they should be finished within a few weeks. I had planned on waiting until it was finished to do anything, but two suspensions in less than a week is too many. We have an appointment with the ped tomorrow, and I'm hoping to get a rec for...a therapist perhaps? I'm not even sure, but I feel that it's gone too far. Wandering around the room and distracting classmates is one thing, hitting them and then turning into a toddler is another.

Has anyone else experienced this? Does anyone have any suggestions on how to turn it around? It's relatively new to us; I certainly don't remember it happening last year in first grade.

This is a good book for when you don't know what is going on with your kid.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0979498201/ref=redir_mdp_mobile

Hi,
So sorry you're having this problem--unfortunately (as usual) I don't have anything too helpful to add, but your son sounds a lot like my nephew who is 7 and the family's solution was to pull him out and homeschool. Actually he was doing more of the hitting stuff and overreacting to other kids' breaking the rules than the other things you describe (although he did that crawling under the table thing once or twice), but it seems pretty similar to me. I guess he just has trouble controlling his emotions when other people aren't following the rules, plus sometimes he really wants people to play a game a certain way and they aren't interested, and again he overreacts. He tests HG+ but hasn't (hadn't) really complained about the pace of the work, but then again he was in 1st grade so you might not expect that. They're going to try social skills group and also interacting with other homeschoolers for social skills practice and hope he grows out of it in a year or two--which they think he will, since my sister did (she says--I really can't remember). They had also gotten an independent evaluation from a (private) psychologist basically saying just that (that he would grow out of it, and making specific suggestions about how the school might help him--seating near the teacher, standing near the teacher in line, maybe special work if he was bored) but the vice-principal who was the point person was getting pressure from other parents (about the hitting, even though nobody was actually hurt) and the new school district psychologist said she didn't believe the independent report. It seems like maybe the school district can't just do that (legally), but anyway the upshot was the parents thought their efforts were better put into homeschooling since they have that option (rather than fighting the school district, etc.). This just happened so I don't have any useful information about what did or didn't work--sorry. But good luck, and please post if you figure anything out. A number of people with more experience suggested that the parents get him an IEP, in which case apparently he could not be kicked out for behavior corresponding to his disability. But I'm not sure how they would have addressed his disability--my sister was afraid they would isolate him and that that would have been even worse. Maybe you should see what happens with the report you're expecting, and what they suggest--although hopefully he doesn't get in more trouble in the meantime. Best of luck; I'm really sorry you're all having this problem.

I would say he's either figured out that this sort of behavior will get him the heck out of the classroom and school as a relief, or he's very, very stressed about something - chaos in the classroom, bullying...I guess lack of challenge could come out that way if he's at his wit's end.

If you haven't seen this before it's something new that's happening with him or a build-up I would think. If you're seeing it at home for the first time it's probably a spill-over from school but your DS is trying to tell you something. You'll have to work on, over time, getting him to articulate

I probably sound like a broken record but also consider diet/allergies which can affect behavior and a friend of mine's son has that PANADAS which not everyone believes but it's strep throat time and that's his very worst time. Is there strep throat in the classroom in our state the school has to send a note home per the health department but you probably would have had this issue in prior years, also the food (others might be able to talk about onset).

I'd go with rather extreme stress?

KJP, I just ordered the book (unfortunately our library doesn't carry it, but it looks worth a few bucks for a used copy). Thanks for the rec!

Yes, I would agree that he's figured out he can get out of school for misbehaving. At the least he gets sent home for the rest of the day, at "best" he gets suspended and gets to miss an entire day. Clever kid.

Extreme stress might be at least part of the answer. My husband believes he would have been classified as EG as a kid, so if our son is anything like him (and gosh knows they seem awfully similar!), I can see him being bored crazy in 2nd grade. He also has very few friends, so lunchtime/recess is probably not too fun. I desperately wish he would communicate better so we knew what, if anything, was bothering him.

Right now E is on a gluten-free diet. He was off for a few weeks at the beginning of January, but it seemed like his behavior at school got worse and worse, so we put him back on it. That resulted in an improvement in behavior, but now we're back to weird infantile stuff again. (Maybe he found my stash of Thin Mints in the freezer!)

Has your son previously had behavior issues or issues interacting with other kids his own age?

Here is something interesting.

If a child is placed in an ESE program they can't suspend him/her so much that it changes his/her placement and being home isn't the same placement as being in a classroom...more restrictive. Now if it has to do with guns or drugs there is some wiggle room to change placement imediately. But just hitting is different.

Now here is the funny part...if they THINK the child is in need of services the same rules apply. And by "being in the process" of getting an evaluation they obviously suspect that he MIGHT be in need of services. You need to go in and say that you know your child's rights and that the out of school suspensions need to stop and they need to do a Functional Behavioral Analysis and develop a Behavioral intervention plan (which might include time in a classroom with harder work).

Now if it were me, I wouldn't want my child given the label of Behavior Disordered or Emotionally Handicapped (unless he truly has some sort of serious mental illness, then it wouldn't bother me)...if he is just acting out because school makes him miserable then I really wouldn't want that label.

I would recommend you ask for a referral to have your son evaluated by a pediatric neuropsychologist and that, if possible, you find one who has some experience working with high IQ kids with disabilities. The sooner you have answers or at least indications as to the cause of the aggressive and inappropriate behaviors, the better you'll be able to help your son cope and adapt. And having him under the care of a medical professional can help you advocate for appropriate placement and accommodations at school.

Last year was a disaster for my son (not for the same issues you describe but for other behaviors that created problems with his teachers). There were continual visits to the principal, angry emails from teachers, etc., but now that there are appropriate accommodations in place as well as information provided to the teachers regarding his behaviors, it has been a much better year for the teachers and my son. They can recognize triggers, they can interpret behaviors as they apply to him and not the general public, and then act accordingly. It hasn't been perfect, and I've still had my share of phone calls, teacher visits, and calls from the principal, but it isn't almost daily.

I can tell you this is exactly what happened with my son. The school psychologist claimed my son made "great" eye contact and spoke openly with him the entire time he saw him, so there was no way he was on the autism spectrum, and he wanted to label him "Emotionally Disturbed". Kids who are labeled ED who don't make rapid progress in the classroom (in our area) are typically shunted off into a special classroom full of kids with the ED label... and that is the LAST place you want to place a sensitive and/or gifted kid, let me tell you!!!

We tabled that ARD meeting with the quickness and ended up changing schools after we got the neuropsych's eval (PDD-NOS, shocking!)

Totally agree with this. Until you know what's going on, you don't know how to solve it or even what educational placement is going to work the best.

Bzylzy also nails it with the idea that this is an escape behavior. Also hard to fix until you know what's going on. You can request that the school do a Functional Behavior Analysis to see when the blowups happen, what preceded them, what the triggers are likely to be. They need to take data if they want answers. It would not be a bad idea to request that the school do a complete educational evaluation, either; this starts the process for getting legal protections in place.

What you describe is not atypical of kids with autism spectrum disorders in the early elementary years; lunch and recess, which are less structured and highly social, do provide lots of extra stressors. Not saying this is necessarily ASD, just saying that you should be looking closely to see whether you can get good answers about your kid's profile.

DeeDee