Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Learning Environments Highly Gifted Child Rubs Teachers the Wrong Way

Agreed. I think some of it is also HG+ thinking.

Being intelligent means that I can remember a lot of stuff from my childhood and analyze it as an adult. Over the years, I've thought about why I might have rubbed kids or teachers the wrong way as a kid.

When I was very young (K-3rd grade or so), a lot of the other kids would accuse me of "thinking I was so big." This expression means that I thought I was looking down on everyone else or thought I was better than them. I had no idea why anyone would accuse me of that, because it wasn't true.

Many years later, I realized that it was my vocabulary, probably combined with school being so easy for me. I used words like "ambidextrous" casually when I was six. What others saw as "big words" were just part of my everyday speech. I had no clue then that the other kids didn't understand those words, or that they probably didn't understand me a lot of the time. Looking back on it, they may have thought that I was trying to show off or make them feel inadequate (which I probably did, without knowing it).

Additionally, HG+ people also don't really think like most others, and I suspect that my thought patterns and the associations I made when speaking didn't always resonate with other kids and some teachers. It is possible that stressed out teenagers or non-gifted teachers may react viscerally to a 15-year-old who read Dante's Inferno over the summer because she picked up a way cool edition with engravings by Gustave Dore' for 50 cents at the local book fair in July. It wasn't that I went around talking about this. It was that I mentioned it in class (something about harpies in the woods behind the school, IIRC).

Since then, I've had to learn to temper what I say and when I say it (unless I'm with another giftie). I don't want to make others feel inadequate or whatever.

My 2E second grader told me that she has already learned to "dumb it down" in school. "Mom it's just not a good idea to use words or talk about things that the other kids don't understand." I told her she doesn't need to do that - kids can ask questions if they don't understand what she's saying. She looked at me like my little choo choo had gone chugging around the bend...

Sadly I think she may have decided on a good course of action...

Well, but I think she has a point.

If the goal is to learn to communicate effectively with peers, then 'dumbing down' is definitely part and parcel of that.

I wouldn't dream of calling it "demeaning" or being "untrue to myself" if I used vastly simplified language and concepts to explain, say, the relationship between pressure and temperature in gases-- to a group of eight year olds.

KWIM? They are at a different place than I am with that material, on average, and therefore it's simply good communication skills for me to adjust to meet them rather than the other way around (which is obviously impossible).


I'll also echo Val's painful experiences. I can recall feeling bereft when my cousins (both one bright, the other MG) refused to play with me anymore because I was using "too many fancy words" and it was "mean/snooty" of me. It was a hard lesson to learn.

I mention that because I was kind of a verbal steamroller as a kid, too. I was sort of oblivious to how it effected others until I was in my teens.

I totally agree with this! When I was in high school, I THOUGHT that I was being sensitive to the other kids, not sharing my SAT scores or bragging, but now I realize that just the way I talked was different.

Also, I THOUGHT that the other kids in my honors and gifted classes were similar to myself. I THOUGHT they just 'got it', but now talking to a girl who was in the gifted program and all the honors and AP classes with me, and who was so mean to me that we had a major falling out until just a few years ago, I've realized that I was very wrong. They might have been getting good grades, but they were working hard for it. When they said that they were worried about the test results, they weren't making it up.

As to the original question though - it sounds like it could be more than just his giftedness, but it's entirely possible that the teachers had it in for him from the start. I was once put in a lower math and reading group because the principal didn't like how I asked if they had a gifted program at the new student orientation. Maybe I came off as stuck up. She later said I had to be put in my place, but I was 8, and that was the only thing I said to her as far as I remember. I also had a guidance counselor who I hardly ever interacted with, who told me that just because I had an IQ of 150 doesn't mean I can just do anything, and refused to put me in AP computer science because 'girls aren't good with computers'. That's how I learned my IQ - from his unprofessional comment. He made me take basic computer science first, even though it wasn't a required prerequisite. I showed him - I went on to get a 5 on the AP test and go to Carnegie Mellon for computer science. I'm a software engineer now.

Sorry for the tangent, I'm just saying this because there ARE mean, petty, racist, sexist, etc people who are teachers and administrators.

Yes, I remember teachers like that.

There was the 7th math teacher who didn't want to let me take algebra in 8th grade because he was angry with me (never mind why, but the principal had reamed him over it). The English teacher went over his head and made sure I was placed in algebra.

There was the 3rd grade teacher who punished me because other kids at a large open table were copying off my spelling paper. She didn't punish them. Just me. Well...maybe she was right and I should have covered myself and my work with a sheet to stop them.

There was the guidance counselor who suggested I take Home Ec. instead of Physics.

And nauseatingly etc.

I totally agree with this. It's not dumbing down, it's consideration for your audience. This involves perspective-taking, understanding what information and attitude your interlocutors are likely to have, which is a skill that some people have innately, but some people have to work very hard to develop.

We work hard with DS on how he comes across to others. My feeling is that this is not breaking his spirit, but rather increasing his ability to contribute meaningfully to society.

DeeDee

High school? I still get weird reactions to my conversational style as an adult, from time to time. I had a neighbor recently who felt the need to pull my DW aside and ask, "What's his deal?" DW had to explain that I'm not putting on any airs... that's just the way I talk.

In school, I did find it useful to sprinkle in some common slang (check the nickname) and the occasional f-bomb, just to make myself appear more relatable/accessible, but beyond that, I've always preferred to just communicate in a way that feels natural to me, and people can either appreciate that, or not, their choice.

Wow! Thanks for all of your stories! Really, the different points of view do help!
As an update on the Mr. Zero teacher:

I asked my DS today what kind of tone the teacher had used; did he think she was just teasing or joking. He said she had definitely used a harsh tone. Unfortunately, a mom whose daughter is in my DS's class emailed me tonight telling me some things her daughter told her about the teacher. Her daughter told her that the Mr. Zero teacher did not like my DS and most everyone knew it because the teacher was always saying something mean to my son. I know she dislikes him because he corrected her once. Left two messages for the principal to call me... nothing yet.

Dumbing down? I've mentioned similar to my son, but his concern to me was something I could not answer: "How do I know how simplified I need to make the conversation? I can't judge their intelligence. What if I make it so simple that I am insulting them for thinking they were that dumb?"
I have to agree with him. How do you know, at age 13, who you can speak to using your natural intelligence, and who do you speak to in "lay" terms? I am all about being kind and considerate to others; on the other hand, what message am I sending to my child by telling him your intelligence may insult others, so tone it down? When a beautiful, slender, young mom stands next to me (older and frumpy) at a PTA meeting, would it rub me the wrong way? Would I feel insulted? Should she tone down her beauty so she doesn't make me feel bad? LOL

I wanted to add that regardless of any other details of the story, calling your son 'Mr. Zero' in front of the class was unprofessional, rude and, in my opinion, bordering on verbal abuse.

Giving him a zero for talking while writing his essay could have a valid explanation. If he had been warned before and the whole class was told to do it quietly, maybe it was warranted, but that 'Mr.Zero' comment was just WRONG.

We aren't talking about a need to turn off intelligence, though, but about the need to choose language (and content) appropriately to the person you're speaking to. Sure, this is not always easy, but that doesn't mean you get to not do it! This - pragmatic language - is something my DS had trouble with in the past; it was on his IEP and at school they helped him with it explicitly. He's much better at it now, but it does take work. IMHO if you're encouraging a 13yo in a belief that this is an unreasonable expectation and he doesn't have to bother, you're not helping. If the person you're talking to doesn't understand, it's not communication. If you know that, or would know it if you paid attention, and keep talking anyway, that's rude, and people will react negatively.

Besides, it's a skill crucial to many careers. I'm an academic, for example: I wouldn't get far if I talked in the same terms to students at all stages, colleagues from all areas and members of the public! One concrete tip: when you aren't sure what level to pitch something at (I meet someone at a party and they say "what do you do?" - do they want the abstract of my last paper, or the one sentence summary of what my department does?) it's OK to ask - e.g. you say "I'm interested in some questions relating to X; have you come across X?" and depending on the answer you explain either what X is or what the questions are.