Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Parent conferences only for c and below

This is more of a complaint than anything else, but it feels like just one more kick in the advocacy.

Last year in 6th grade, some teachers sent an email telling parents that A and B students should not sign up for parent conferences. My boy is on a 504 and we had issues to discuss so I replied advising of the reason. But then, I met several parents of excelling students who felt it was their right to get to know the teachers of their kids and they chose just to ignore the advise.

So, now it's 7th grade. Still with a boy on a 504. Teachers said to the students (or maybe it was on morning announcements) that if you have all As and Bs, there's no need for your parents to meet the teachers, and if you have any Cs or below, please tell your parents we want to see them. So, I ignored it, signing up to see 3 of the 7 teachers. Math because they just got IPADS in school and DS has a windows computer and we are trying to work things out to get the two to communicate (school hasn't given the kids any cables). English because the teacher has given no feedback on writing other than erratic grades that DS doesn't understand and I don't get to see. And Social Studies because DS has had issues printing and getting zeros for assignments that the teacher loses when emailed, promises to fix, and never does.

I just got a call from the counselor telling me the teachers were complaining that I scheduled meetings and would I please reconsider. I almost did, but I told her no, I needed to meet with the teachers.

I know it's silly to justify all the reasons to meet with teachers- a sign of insecurity, and it is, so I guess I'm here asking for strength to feel justified to meet with teachers at parent conference time. Part of me feels like if parents ignore this, then maybe they will realize they need to meet with parents.

I'm wondering if it's related to the large number of students and that teachers don't want to come in on the third day of parent conferences, but I don't know. And honestly, I don't think that we should pay teachers for a parent conference day and then have them strong arm the parents to not come.

Please help me think rationally!

That's completely ridiculous.. and to be honest, I'd be surprised if the majority of the teachers even like this plan. My stepmom who's currently a principal, always loved when "good" students' parents would come in for a conference. It was a welcome break to all the drama/anger/sadness of the rest of the conferences.

IMO, you are thinking rationally. You have specific reasons for wanting a conference with certain teachers and you've made a request. This seems completely reasonable to me.

Besides, using an arbitrary cutoff point to deny access to conferences seems unreasonable to me (and is also a way to ignore good students while focusing on less good students). Surely, A and B students are not perfect, and surely, their parents have a reasonable expectation to discuss these points with the teachers.

Did you let the counselor know that you only scheduled conferences with the C teachers? Since if they were A or B teachers, you would already have the feedback you needed. (semi-joking)

If it's anything like our school district is for middle and high school, the teachers aren't given enough time to fit in all the parents of all their students, and it's also basically a madhouse on conference days.. So I'm guessing that the arbitrary guideline came as a way to try to make time for the kids who were having trouble plus as a way to try to insist that those parents attend. You absolutely have a right to a conferenece with each teacher no matter how well your student is doing in class... but otoh.... you mght actually get more quality and longer time with each teacher if you request to meet at a different time - so that's one way to approach it if the counselor is being a brick wall about meeting on the conference days. For the 504 issues, I wouldn't wait for conferences, I'd be communicating as it comes up.

polarbear

Completely ridiculous! Sorry, it is their job to meet with parents, regardless of the students' grades. I get that they have a lot of conferences to set up, but that is no excuse. You could always respond that if it is a scheduling issue (not enough time slots) you would be happy to reschedule for another day, but you feel that it is important that you meet with them to discuss these issues.

I haven't hit middle school yet, but at our elementary school, spring conferences are "optional". I, of course, always sign up for one anyways though. Even for fall, I think I was a bit of an oddball because I requested a conference with DS's math teacher. He is in accelerated math with a different teacher from his home room, so I could not get answers to my questions from her. From the reaction (not negative, just a little surprised) I think I was the only one who requested this, but why wouldn't I? And why don't other parents?

My feeling on your situation is that it is ridiculous to tell parents that they should be involved and supportive of their children's education and then tell them not to come talk to the teachers. They just need to deal with it. I would thank them for their time and acknowledge that they have alot on their plate, but then emphasize how important it is for your and your child to maintain solid communication between parent and teacher.

Good luck!

What a terrible message for kids who have good grades - you are not worth meeting your parents to talk about how to make the most of your time in the school. Do worse if you want attention.

But I also agree with polarbear - individual appointments when dealing with our kiddos with special needs really does get more accomplished than a stopwatch chat where you're shuffled out finished or not.

Your child is on a 504 and you have issues. If they don't want you to have pt conferences then request that they schedule a 504 team meeting - that way EVERYONE gets to find the time to meet with you to discuss these issues. I'm guessing they would prefer the short conferences with only the requested 3 but who knows...

Too bad for her! If YOU want to see her and YOU have legitimate questions, she has a RESPONSIBILITY to meet with you!

Wow. Sorry, but I can't help but wonder what would happen in the real world if a doctor or nurse said, "I don't want to meet with you. I think you're okay." Or if Joe didn't want to have a meeting with Sam because Joe thinks everything is okay.
Sheesh.

I don't think there should be a hard-and-fast rule that only
C-and-below students have their parents meet teachers, but it is a reasonable guideline. My wife, who attends the conferences for our kids (my work is farther away), thinks they are usually a waste of time, but she feels compelled to go so that she does not come across as an unconcerned parent.