Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Identification, Testing & Assessment Is testing my child making a spectacle of him?

Have him tested so that you know either way. Too early to test for IQ in my opinion but to find an answer about Austism, for sure, do it now. Obviously he is a gifted child though.

It helps to realize your friend's reaction is well-meaning but simply misguided.

You are the mom, and you know your child's needs. Getting the screening for autism/aspergers early will make a significant difference. It sounds like you have a very good, proactive pediatrician, and that is a great asset for you. Trust your doctor on this and go get your kiddo tested.

Your child will never be what your friend considers "normal", and there is often an attitude among bystanders who haven't walked in our shoes to think that we're somehow forcing our kids to be different. I doubt any of us want for our children the challenges that come with the gifts they have. But we've embraced our kids for who they are and are doing the best to give them the best tools possible for a rich, full life.

If it were me, I think I'd voice how hurtful it is to see my friend roll their eyes when I was discussing my child. If your friend is truly a friend, they'll hear you and a dialogue can begin where you can find mutual respect on the issue. If your friend doesn't hear you, then you have your answer about whether they can a part of that part of your life. They may make a better acquaintance than friend (someone with whom we don't share the private worries and details of our life).

Thanks for your responses. I am going to go ahead and have him tested. It is already scheduled for Sept. 26. His pediatricians office put a referral into the psychiatrist and said his insurance will cover the testing because they suspect a disability. I am relieved to hear this because I definitely can't afford the test. I really don't care what his IQ is, I know he is a bright child, I just want to know if he has autism or asperger's so I can get him in the right program early. I have noticed his rigidness and temper tantrums are getting more frequent and he seems very frusterated. I am glad he has been such a rapid learner but I really just want him to be healthy and happy.

It sounds like you are thinking of an assessment for autism that is not linked to an assessment for intellectual ability.

However, if you go to someone who specializes in autism spectrum disorders but does not understand giftedness, the specialist can see behaviors (like not playing with kids at day care) as a sign of autism, while it can also because a highly gifted child wants to interact with intellectual peers. It's complicated.

Going to a specialist who can tease apart this complex situation can often be of enormous help. This would be someone who has experience working with 2e (twice exceptional) children. It is too young to test for giftedness per se, but it should be considered when looking at a diagnosis.

Two readable, well-researched and well regarded books that I would recommend are:

- Misdiagnosis and Dual Diagnoses of Gifted Children and Adults: ADHD, Bipolar, Ocd, Asperger's, Depression, and Other Disorders (Webb et al)

- The Mislabeled Child: Looking Beyond Behavior to Find the True Sources and Solutions for Children's Learning Challenges (Eides)

I read sections of these books over and over when my kid was little-- and not playing with kids his age:)

These books really helped clarify when a behavior can relate to (1) only autism (2) only giftedness, and (3) BOTH presenting in the same person.

These books can also be shared with a professional unfamiliar with giftedness.

Also: listen to your gut. If your gut says there is a problem (you seem to suspect something is going on) you very well may be right. However, it might not be what you expect. For example, I was worried my child lacked social skills in large groups and looked into autism--turns out he had a hearing problem and couldn't hear what was happening or when people were talking to him!

Good luck in your research and explorations.

At the end of the day, you still have the same great kid, so enjoy!

Isaiah09, it sounds like you are doing all the right things, and you have a good plan. I would like to second what laurel said re reading the Eides books and listening to your gut. Although we haven't wondered about autism with our kids, we have had a very similar experience re ADHD. In the case of our EG ds, he was at one point diagnosed with ADHD but his ped felt what the psych who diagnosed the ADHD was seeing were in fact related to being intellectually gifted. The Eides' Misdiagnosis book clarified what we were seeing as high IQ combined with a bit of other type of 2e, not ADHD, and that's held true as he's matured and what sometimes looked like ADHD has slipped away.

With our older dd *we* (parents) often wondered if she didn't have ADHD and her pediatrician was convinced she had ADHD based on her inability to focus at her dr appointments combined with the troubles she had socially and at school. Turns out... she had severe double vision... which we found out by the results of IQ testing where her scores dropped dramatically on two subtests that relied on vision.

With each of our kids we've found that it's a bit of a journey (sometimes a very long journey!) to get to a full understanding of why we see the behaviors we see - for our 2e ds we'd solve one challenge and then there would be another one, more thinking it through more testing etc. But it was all good in the long run - each set of data you get, each piece of advice from a professional etc, even comments from preschool teachers that you might not want to hear or believe - they all are data points you'll file away, analyze, and compile together to get a good understanding of what is up with your ds.

Re what other parents say - I'm guessing that maybe you're getting something just a little bit beyond the parent who is reacting to thinking you're pushing your child's IQ - if you are aware of social challenges, other parents may be seeing that too. I wouldn't tell another parent my ds was suspected of being a savant or highly gifted or whatever... and for the most part I haven't shared specifics of our 2e journey with other parents either, except when I find a fellow parent who's dealing with similar issues. It's not that I feel like I have to hide as much as the thing is, when my kids were really young (preschool and early elementary) I found that many many parents were very into their own children's achievements and developmental milestones, and when you talk about your own kids, they are looking at what your child is doing mirrored into what their child is doing. And really, all kids are really really different no matter what their IQ.. so sometimes those conversations felt like parents trying to compete even though what I think is really happening is just caring parents looking for more data points to better understand their own child.

Parenting a child who is young and struggling in any way can feel very isolating. Try to not worry about what those other parents may say, and feel free to let us know what you're worried about and how the evaluation goes.

Best wishes,

polarbear

One suggestion I have is to see if your local school district does 0-3 developmental screening. This is a free assessment carried out by professionals (speech / OT / special ed). If they have any concerns, your ds should qualify for special services through the district. Child psychiatrists often don't have a lot of experience with very young kids and can be biased toward pathology (I would still keep your appt...but just get this second opinion).

I have had to keep most of my ds' precocity to myself ...it can be lonely. I am fortunate that one of my friends (a former teacher) knows about GT kids and has been pushing us to recognize my ds as gifted. I finally feel like I can talk in RL about the benefits and drawbacks of my ds' advanced abilities.

Isaiah09, my two cents-- it will be very important that the evaluator have expertise in autism spectrum disorders, since that is what you are trying to rule in or out.

We found that with my extremely precocious DS that the school district and many private evaluators failed to make correct evaluations, saying he was "bright but quirky"-- when he really had a disability, Asperger's, that needed remediation. We lost a lot of years that could have been spent on therapy. It is very easy for a practitioner who is only familiar with "classic" autism to look at a gifted child with autism and not see the autism at all, because the gifts make it much harder to see the disability.

The "Misdiagnosis" book says that gifted kids are often misidentified as having disabilities, and that may be true; but in our case we saw that they can also be underdiagnosed because of their giftedness, with serious negative implications.

DeeDee

An experienced preschool teacher put it this way re socialisation at this age with peers at this age...
"imagine putting a child in a chicken pen and expecting them to play with the chickens. They try to line them up and play games which the chickens can't/won't, they work out which chickens will peck them so avoid those ones. When the chicken feeder comes (teacher) they desperately try to have a conversation before they are the pushed back into the chicken pen..."

Thanks for all of your responses. I am going to be very careful with how I take what the psychiatrist says. I don't know if I should go in telling all of my concerns because this could lead the doctor down a path that maybe he/she wouldn't have taken. I would rather just let the doctor evaluate my son and see what he/she thinks. I have my own concerns but I really don't think he is autisic..I'm not sure though since it is a spectrum disorder. He does have some signs but those could also be related to him being highly gifted. He is reading and not even 3 yet. Bobbie I like your example of putting a child in a chicken pen..I think that is how my son feels at daycare. It's probably why he won't talk to any of the children and thrives on conversations with adults. Ohh how I just wish I had all of the answers.

Sorry I didn't see this and chime in sooner.

I have a son who was reading at 22 months (among other things), but wasn't dx as PG + Aspergers until he was 6. For SIX YEARS, I wondered and fought within myself wondering what was wrong with him, why he wasn't like other kids, what I should do about school, what I should do about friends, how to get people to stop making a spectacle of us as a family... etc, etc.

We waited until 6 for testing because we were told he would likely hit too many ceilings on the WPPSI. We waited for the WISC, but that meant we didn't find out about the Asperger's until he was already well aware of how different he was. We could've gotten advice/intervention sooner.

... then again, I'm glad we didn't know all that we know now. I may have done things differently with him, felt sorry for him, sheltered him, held him back, etc. He's grown SO MUCH over the past few years!! He'll never be the life of the party, and he'll never be an athlete, but he'll be well-adjusted for adult life, the answer to many problems, and above all, my son.

Be sure you get a second opinion, no matter what the dx. We had him tested by someone who specializes in giftedness, but she knew nothing about Aspergers. We had him see a neuropsych who was great with autism, but she knew nothing about giftedness. The two reports we got weren't opposites, but rather a clearer reflection of each other.