I found all the tiger mom uprising fascinating, especially since I was raised by tiger parents, with dad being the more pressure laying of the two. My intent before DS was to try to find a middle ground between my upbringing and the laid back approach of my DH's upbringing. He is as bright and successful as I am and I would describe us both as MG maybe EG but not PG but where my sib is like us, his are not. So I was always railing against the nuture vs nature. My parents were of the philosophy that you just can trust nature. We had such battles in high school because I felt we weren't trusted to be responsible for our own education. And to me that is the core of the Amy Chua phenomenon, there is a line, of offering opportunities and requiring practice, of fulfilling responsibilities - it's over that line - where the problems, especially the rebellion starts. I was infuriated that I was treated with so little respect that I couldn't do sports be ause it might affect my grades and my chances to get into a good college. The result was even after getting into my excellent college, and grad school, I'm not a joiner. But on some level I want to be, so nurture created the desired behaviors but they have unit ended consequences.

Fast forward to having DS5 and I am faced with how to create the upbringing I wanted rather than what I had or what DH had, I fully planned to take what in liked about my childhood and ditch the rest but then I got DS and his nature had no respect for what ever nuture approach I wanted to take!!! I'm not talking about approaches to discipline but rather his learning needs. My first few posts here are filled with guilt over missing his exponential growth all the while expecting him to be quite bright. His insatiable need for information sets him apart. There is nothing I can do to change that and I don't want to, but when those needs were not being met he was frustrated, he didn't know at 3 that he was desperate for information and neither did I, all I knew is that he was crazed for tv which I didn't want him to watch, started bringing hom books by the bucketful and he forgets we have a tv.

My DF a teacher hates the focus on gifted even though her DC is quite bright and now in a special program, she is completely focused on working hard. I get that but I believe as someone said earlier - no amount of hard work is going to get you over the hump of innate understanding at certain levels. I believe we have innate skills and predispositions, that we aren't blank slates. But I also believe that many are short changed by not having their needs or circumstances met because due to context and environment signals are missed. If figured out what my DS needed, what if I had missed the opportunity, gladwell's moment, would he be just regularly gifted, with behavior problems, or maybe just the behavior problems, or would he have found another way to get what he needs. Not sure. But what I do know, is that he is who he is, regardless of hothousing, tiger-ness or anything else. But my job as a parent I believe obligates me to help him fill those needs even if no one else thinks so!!

DeHe