Then yesterday, she cried for about 20 minutes because when she asked why something was marked wrong, the teacher said "I didn't teach that"--yet dd did it the way it was on the homework. For some reason, it really got to her
"Because I didn't teach that" isn't a reason to mark an answer wrong. It's ok that your DD finds this frustrating. Some gifted kids have a super-high sense of justice and this is unjust.
Step 1) meet with the teacher and let her know that DD is crying at home. Ask teacher why the answers were marked wrong. The teacher may have some totally different explaination that might actually be reasonable. If so, you can come home and explain it to DD.
Step 2) If the teacher actually defends her position that it's ok to mark things wrong simple because they weren't taught (and you can document that they were part of the homework) take it up with the principle or the head of the Math department. One of those: I just wanted to make sure that I'm understanding the XXX school policy, because DD is finding it very stressful.
Step 3) See if DD can't be placed in some other Math, Homeschool math, independent study, or 7th grade Math (she did 6th grade last year, right?)
Step 4) look for teachable moments to show that everyone sees the world in their own way, NOT related to math. My son wouldn't have gotten the message at age 8, but is fine with it at age 14. We joke about "When the teacher says JUMP, you say: How high?"
That's fine for High school when the grades go on the college transcript, but it just isn't going to fly with your average 'way gifted' 8 year old.
Step 5) It is entirely possible that you can negotiate with the teacher to allow your DD to use math that hasn't been taught because DD is so young and so interested in math as a hobby, even though the other kids are still going to be marked off on it. That would be fine.
Remember that 8 is too young expect a child to be able to self-advocate. If it happens spontaneously, that's great, but for most adults, the youngest they can bear to negotiate with is ten years old. I read it somewhere, and have lived it too. So you aren't being 'too much' to take on this role. It just isn't likely that your typical adult can take an 8 year old seriously.
Love and More Love,
Grinity
