Ugh! That is so frustrating. I know, because my daughter (age 6) does it all the time, too. She's done it for quite a while and frankly, I have no solutions to offer you. All I can do is commiserate and say, "Hang in there!"
When Boo was very young her abilities re: academics were such that she often was the subject of various comments. Often surprise that she could do something, and sadly, just as often remarks about how she must have been "pushed", or how "freakish" she was. Then she started to really notice the age ranges on games and workbooks. Shortly after that, when asked something that she already knew, she'd respond, "I don't know that, yet, ask me when I'm four". She was almost three at the time and was confused about the negative comments she received regarding her abilities.
Then we enrolled her in preschool. I'm still kicking myself! It was a non-academic school. So I figured, "Great! She'll just play with the other kids!" Since, she's my first, I didn't know a lot about how three-year-olds play. I figured they'd all be into Magic Tree House Books, and Upwords, and strategy games and writing and directing their own plays. Wrong!
Boo suddenly had this intense *need* to research "course of study" and child development information on the internet. More and more she resorted to "kids my age don't know/do that" and "I'm not old enough to play that" and "kids my age are into X and not Y". She began to drastically alter her behavior. Things she loved like games were suddenly shirked; she claimed she didn't understand them. Books she loved, small chapter books - Henry and Mudge, Frog and Toad, Magic Tree House, beautiful picture books, gave way to BOB Books and ABC board books, sentences became shorter and more rudimentary, "Wow! Did you see that squirrel with the big busy tail and bright eyes! He's so silly scampering about like that" became, "Swirl silly!"
She, also, became interested in fashion and barbie/fashion dolls and things that were "cool". And on it went.
At first, I thought she was simply trying to find her footing. Noticing what the other children were into and immersing herself in that "culture". She cried at first going to preschool, I thought it was because she wasn't used to it. But then the tears stopped. What I thought was a sign that she was adjusting was really resignation on her part. She gave up, and I didn't know it!
Finally, one day I noticed sand in her hair when I picked her up from school. She'd always been a chatty kid, but was generally quiet when I picked her up. I thought she was just tired and pensive from a busy day. It turns out that she was being bullied - in PRESCHOOL, three and four-year-olds! She'd been in school for months, I'd gone and observed via a one-way mirror from time to time (admittedly only a few minutes here and there), and never noticed anything amiss. This was the day before parent/teacher conferences.
At the conference, I told the teacher about what I had found. She admitted to "noticing tension" but not thinking it was a "big deal". She also said that it was clear that Boo knew all the curricula for the rest of the year and was beyond the most advanced curricula for the school. (The school went through Kindergarten.) I asked what would be done about the bullying. The answer was that the teacher would just "keep an eye on it". That didn't exactly warm my heart. There was no discussion of trying to separate the kids (a group of about 5 girls that harassed my daughter) and my daughter or *any*thing. Regarding the curricula, I was told "she'll just have to learn to be bored". (That is a *direct* quote!)
Anyway, we'd always been interested in homeschooling, and that was just the shove we needed to change gears. I pulled her the next day. Soon after, I came across the essays, "Small Poppies" and "Is It a Cheetah?" on the Hoagies gifted website. And both of those spoke to my heart! I realized Boo was going "underground" and if I didn't do something fast, I wasn't sure how she'd ever find her way up.
We've been homeschooling for three years now. Although, a lot of people don't count anything before age 5/6. (I think it's because they don't have children like ours!
) She's still not willing to share her abilities with everyone, and that's okay. I try not to push too much on that, as she's told me, "MOM! I'm not a performing monkey!" when I've gotten to insistent. It's just while she's getting better at showing her immediate family, she still hides from most people. This is, unfortunately, a disservice to herself, as there are classes, etc. that she's interested in, but her fear of "being different" gets in her way. She's getting better at just being herself and not worrying so much about what others think.
That's an incredibly long-winded way for me to say, perhaps your son is a "Small Poppy"? It may be the environment, but not necessarily the physical one. He might be receiving the message that he isn't like the other kids and that he needs to change. If that's the case, I urge you to re-evaluate his placement in school and look into advocating for him within the school or moving him some where (another school, class, homeschool, grade) that he can truly be himself.
With much warmth,
Mizzou - who is feeling wide awake and chatty at 3 AM!
