I guess my question is more about the long term consequences/benefits of growing up learning to cope with constant anxiety in the maintstream vs being removed from it and all it can teach, but being more relaxed for self development (and not needing/learning to cope). Does that make sense?
Oh, yes, it makes a great deal of sense. That is where we are too. DS does not want to leave elementary school even though it is sometimes making him more anxious than he can handle.
Our therapy team is of the opinion that it would be a mistake to pull our DS out-- both because it's a "vote of no confidence" (making him think that he really couldn't do it) and because he does need to learn to deal with other people in that kind of social setting. They are big believers in learning to cope. YMMV, of course.
That said, it is sometimes horrifying and stressful to do it this way, and it is wearing on all of us, DS and family and school staff alike. (And THAT said, he's having his best year ever so far this year; one does have the sense that he's learning how to deal.)
FWIW, I have heard that current CBT approaches to agoraphobia appear to be effective, but they are dramatic and intense: they require not a bit by bit exposure, but lots of exposure in a short time, repeated until the stimulus becomes boring rather than exciting. It's supposed to be highly treatable.
What supports could be put into place to help your DS manage? Can he name his triggers, and can a plan be in place to manage them? The school ought to be ready to do a functional behavior analysis to figure this out, and work on reducing the anxiety... though I know they may or may not be.
Much in sympathy,
DeeDee
