When DS6 started K, I sent his teacher a small note, a paragraph, stating that DH and I wanted her to know that we are available to help her out in anyway possible. I let her know in a round about way that he was reading and doing math, and that he may, being a boy, get bored and act out. I wanted her to know that we were being proactive about any behavior problems instead of being reactive.
A week later is when I got the call from her wanting him tested to move to first.
I think if you "play it" as "we're here to help", being supportive of the teacher, she may be more open to helping you & your DD as opposed to becoming defensive. I'm not sure that makes sense, but that's what we plan to do with DS's 2nd grade teacher when we speak with her next week.
