It might be interesting as an exercise to imagine how your daughter might using this same style critique the personalities and behavior of other family members. I bet her perspective is really different.
About 90% of what you wrote people in my family may well have said about me when I was a child. The reality was that what they saw as arguing and attention seeking was really about me having a very different personality from everyone else in the family. I was extroverted, passionate, and a verbal processor of information. I learned best when talking and engaged.
My suggestion would be even though it can be hard in the moment, to try to work from a place of appreciating her differences. Try to use her strengths to help her participate in solving problems and finding solutions to these challenging situations.
Also, make sure you are getting breaks for yourself including totally alone time. That should recharge you and help you feel more able to interact. I would continue to build a network of drop off playdates and encourage her to have independent activities.
ETA: I really would not accuse her of faking injuries to get attention. There is in reality a very wide range of difference in how people perceive sensations like pain. Some kids are simply much more intense. Some have overexcitabilities that make their reactions more intense. Ultimately if your goal is to not encourage attention seeking behavior engaging more - in whatever way including accusations - is the opposite of what you want to do. Instead, in a very low key way, not at the time she's getting hurt, I would say something like "I notice you react strongly when you get hurt, let's talk about some other options and help her make a plan. Perhaps she'd like to plan something else she could say or do. The key is to get her in control of it instead of you.
Last edited by passthepotatoes; 06/03/10 10:46 PM.
