Gifted Issues Discussion homepage Forums Parenting and Advocacy Manipulation/Attention Seeking

Hi,

My DD who just turned four is almost exactly the same way. She needs almost constant attention. People tend to find her funny and cute when her attention volume is set at the charming and outgoing level, but I am sure it annoys some people when the knob goes up too high. It grates on me when it does and I feel really guilty saying that. She tries to dominate play (though directing, not force) with other children when she plays with them too and this embarasses me at times. I do not set that example for her and we work very very hard not to reinforce her attention seeking behaviors, but they persist. She also has a baby sister so is competing there, but I do things with her one on one and her sister doesn't demand the same sort of attention so she really isn't lacking. Children with much less attention don't seek it the way she does. I also can rarely do any sit down learning thing with her since she thinks she knows everything and refuses to be "taught" anything so I don't even try.

She appears happy, really happy, a majority of the time and is skipping and singing, but at the same time, there is this highly argumentative streak and I feel she has a chip on her shoulder and I am not sure why since her life is pretty darn good. Like you, I am frustrated. My DD's way of getting attention is by performing, singing, talking too much and too loudly, doing silly things sometimes, etc. She doesn't pull the "sympathy" card by pretending to be hurt or exaggerating her injuries, it is just that she never just mellows out and that exhaustes me and saddens me because I'd like to just quietly hang out, bond, and be together and not just feel that this steamroller was crashing through my days. For me, my loving sweet feelings often flow in less loud wild moments and she just can't seem to do that mode yet.

I have no advice for you; I'm just letting you know that someone else knows how you feel. Oh, as for pretend play, I can only do so much. I am not a four year old. She needs really bright friends her age. I am her mom, not a kid and I don't feel like pretending to be one. That doesn't mean I can't goof off with them, play chase, and make jokes, but I am with her for 14 hours of awake time each day and there is only so much of that time I want to pretend to be something.