First of all, thank you all VERY much for the helpful responses, and so quickly, too!
I feel I might've come across as insensitive or harsh in my first post. I want to stress that I absolutely DO NOT mean to be so, and I try my best to be as understanding and sensitive to her as I can be. That is, after all, why I'm here! Plus, she has an advantage: I, myself, was a "gifted" child; my mother never knew what to do with me, and I feel I missed out on quite a lot as a result. I'm trying really, really hard not to make similar mistakes with my own child. Perhaps I'm being TOO careful sometimes, but again, that's why I'm here trying to work things out.
As frustrated as she is with her inability to communicate effectively with us, we feel equally frustrated in return. We want to be able to let her know that we're here for her for anything she needs, but we'd also like to let her know when she's stepped over a line. It could well be that she's simply too young for us to establish clear "lines" with her; if so, we can adjust our philosophy accordingly. It's just hard to know at what age her tantrums cross the line from "desperately trying to communicate" to being a selfish, spoiled little turkey. In other words, when/how do we know if she IS trying to manipulate us, as opposed to simply attempting communication to overcome a language barrier? To put it yet another way: We want to avoid teaching her that she can have whatever she wants, whenever she wants, if only she complains loudly enough. The trouble is knowing when she's old enough to begin to teach that lesson. I see now, from the feedback from you all, that she's too young for that yet. Thank you for that insight.
To newmom21c: I agree with the idea of prevention. My daughter, at 6 months, was aware of and afraid of shadows - ours and her own. We took proactive steps to ensure that she avoided having to see them or, at other times, trying to express that they weren't scary. Since then, she's come to accept shadows as normal, and doesn't seem to be frightened any longer.
As for the time-out situation: It was simply a last-ditch effort by totally lost first-time parents to deal with an ostensibly volatile situation. We have discovered ourselves that it's clearly not the best method of dealing with these issues, and we've stopped attempting it.
"don't put age expectations on her" - This one's going to be a really tough one, but not for the reason one might expect. I'm sure I don't have to tell all of you, but it's already been hard feeling obligated to explain to others why we're doing things differently with her than they did with their children. People around you, especially relatives, have that expectation that "their way is the right way," and since we seem to be deviating from their ideas of "normal," it's caused heartache already. It's going to take serious adjustment by myself and my wife. We're not the most "mainstream" folks to begin with, though, so we'll pull through.
To no5no5: I like the way you think, and I agree with you entirely. I am elated at the thought of my daughter interacting with the world around her, especially so effectively. Kudos to her for discovering, at such a young age, how to manage to get what she's after, right?
As to her need for loving and responsive parents: That's what we're trying our hearts out to be for her! We're new at this, and having an advanced child for your first one is a particularly challenging curveball, but we're really trying. In the end, even our pathetic attempts at correction are our way of caring for her and being responsive.
Several of you mentioned sign language, and I'm glad you did. My wife has been an advocate of baby sign since her pregnancy, and we've both been attempting to teach her some rudimentary signs ("eat," "more," "no," "yes," and "up" spring immediately to mind). There are clear indications that she understands the signs, but she's been reluctant to sign back to us very often. She'll get there. Anyway, I have a very close relative who has been skeptical of signing, despite my wife explaining the benefits. It's good to have some reinforcement from you folks on that point.
Thank you again for all of your help. If you have further suggestions/advice/wisdom, please keep it coming!
