Our 6 1/2 year old will poop in the toilet, and we've FINALLY gotten him to attempt to wipe himself. We still have to check when he is finished (we make him wipe 3x) because he is disgusted by the possibility of not doing a good enough job on his own. He refuses to go at school or anywhere but home unless dh or I (or grandparents) are there. It took him a long time to grow out of using pull-ups at night because he just wouldn't wake up to go pee. He just grew out of that about a year ago or maybe less, and we didn't try to "train" him by letting him have accidents. We just let him keep wearing pull-ups at night. When he had a week of dry pull-ups in the mornings, we decided to stop using them. After that, he had maybe one or two accidents and hasn't had an accident in close to a year now. As for the issue of holding it when he needs to poop, he's actually created a severe case of chronic constipation and has been medicated for this for years. It's not the exact issue you are dealing with, but I think it has something to do with control and hyper-sensitivity. Did she have a bad potty experience (i.e. painful bowel movement) in the past? This can cause kids to develop a fear of pooping, and she might associate pain or discomfort with the toilet.
