Doesn't Singapore Math teach something very much/exactly like onthegomom's DD's approach to math facts? It's been a while since we used SM, but I think it does.
Personally, I still "look for 10s" when I do long columns of addition. It's just easier and quicker. For example:
12
15
27
35
+48
I'd add the 8 and 2 and the two 5s together instead of adding 2+5+7+5+8 in that order. I was a public school kid, so I think I was actually taught this method. I can't say for sure though, as it's been years since then!
So FWIW, I agree with you, onthegomom, that there's nothing wrong with what she's doing as long as it's not getting in her way.
As for the message your considering, I'm less sure. Advocacy is not my strong suit! I would say that asking questions might get better results than telling. But I'm not sure if that's helpful here.
