My DS7 similar needs routine but appears steadfastly untamed... I try to keep in mind how much he needs routine and structure, and apply it externally. I find I keep my expectations very minimal-- when he's finished eating he scrapes his plate and puts it in sink, at the end of the day he puts his own clothes in the hamper rather than on the floor-- but I have to tell him EVERY DAY.
I have a related question-- at what age should a parent stop cleaning a kid's room? I still clean up his room every day... because I know it helps him stay calm and more able to focus when the legos are organized, books are stacked, and the bedspread is smoothed. Otherwise I feel like he's overwhelmed by the combination of the mess outside and the mess inside!
