I'd talk to DD about the situation and explain that you think the 1-3 would be the right level for her, but she'll have to take the initiative to go there. Hopefully having this conversation with her and giving her your blessing will take some of the pressure off that you're worried about. This way she doesn't have to make the decision about whether it's the right level. You've made that decision and she's not fully responsible.


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Will there be subtle pressures on her not to go? Will she ever feel like she "belongs" with the 1st-3rd grade kids? Will she ever feel like the 1st-3rd classroom is really hers, or will she feel like an "impostor" sneaking in, instead of being "chosen" to be in like the other kids? Is missing the rite of passage of being placed in that class-- missing what is in effect the stamp from authority of "graduating"-- important? Will she ever feel truly included when her transition happens this way instead of the way it happens for all the other kids?
I'd address these concerns with her explaining that she does belong and she is not an impostor. Many other kids join and feel included who move into a school without the "graduation." I think these graduations may do more for the parents than the children.

This is probably the best you'll get from the school for now, so I'd grab the opportunity and make the best of it. Good luck!