Ah, so it comes out! She told me, on Monday, that she had to wait until she was 5 to read. I asked her why. I reminded her that she already *could* read and had just the previous day been reading a book in one of her favorite series. It was like she had a mini panic attack; I don't know how else to describe it. She shut down.
Finally, she told me that the kids in her preschool had told her that she she was weird for being able to read and even weirder for liking to read. She said they stuck their tongues out at her and refused to play with her. I asked her what the teachers did, she said the teachers told the other kids to stop, but then they just got madder because she tattled. She said, "Even Grandma doesn't think I should read! She told me; I remember!" She hasn't been in preschool for over a year now and her grandmother's comment was from about three years ago!
I spoke with her dad/my husband about it and he blew it off and said, "It's not uncommon for kids to table something that they are comfortable with to work on something else." I agree kids do that all the time, heck even adults do it depending on the tasks/skills, etc. involved, but that's not the issue here. The problem is that she is admitting to feeling like she cannot be herself and as a result is actively hiding her abilities.
She's making herself feel sick because she says she feels so nervous sometimes. She wants to be herself, but goes along even if she doesn't like something (unenjoyable for her or feels "wrong" in a moral sense) because she "[doesn't] want there to be something wrong with [her] like other people say there is".
She feels that if she waits until she's 5 to read that people will be more accepting of her, but that it's hard because she really wants to read and do the other things that she enjoys. She says it makes her feel bad -"sick sometimes"; it's wrong to lie. That's what she told me "It's wrong to lie", but she feels like she has to lie about herself.
I'm so scared for her! She has locked onto the idea turning 5 will be magical in that people will suddenly be accepting of all the things she can do. I truly, most emphatically hope that is the case! But what if it isn't? What will happen if she reaches that threshold and crosses it and people are just as cruel as ever? What will it do to her?
I'm worried sick. I don't know what to do. This sucks. I HATE IT!
