I recently had a situation where my 14 yo daughter came home with a note that threatened to beat her until her nose entered her brain (nice, huh). I took the note to the principal, told him I expected him to take care of it.

My daughter was made out to be a snitch because my actions were independent of her. You need to step in in such a way as to seem to have found out accidently.

Shari
Mom to DS 10, DS 11, DS 13
Ability doesn't make us, Choices do!