She has perfectionist tendencies and some signs of anxiety if she is not SURE of the answer to something, and I mean SURE. The child will not guess. Her score on the Processing Speed Index was only 8 for each subtest of coding & symbol search. So this really lowered her FSIQ. The psychologist said perfectionist tendencies can definately affect this score. Anyway, this was all fine with us, we are just happy to have a healthy, normal child.
When ever one takes an IQ/Achievment test, there should be a question on is trying to answer. For your DD6 is was - Why is this bright girl failing her screening test? You didn't get an accurate IQ but you did get an answer - her perfectionism interfered with getting accurate test results, and also with her screening. Question is - is this behavior also interfering with her life? Is it being caused by lack of challenge? Or by excessive praise of in-born traits instead of character traits?
My perspective is that for girls it is very difficult emotionally, for almost all adults, to allow them to struggle. So at school, and perhaps at home, she will not have many opportunities to build the real self esteem that comes from doing the "impossible." Low self esteem = nervous behavior = lower expectaions and demands = even lower self esteem, KWIM?
Even though I am female, I was lucky enough to be raised in the bad old days when this mean I was "built in baby-sitter" to my 3 younger brothers. So at the very least I was asked to do the "impossible" on a daily basis - keep three brats entertained and safe. Now in our more enlightened era even this path to self assurance is closed more and more.
I'm not suggesting that you have more children and assign them to DD6 - LOL! I reccomending that you thoughtfully find a way to keep her challenged academically. If this new school is doing it, you will see a decrease in this perfectionistic behavior.
As for DD5, do you see her dominating DD6 when they play together? If not, you can guess that their scores will be "about even" once DD6 discovers her self esteem. Since you have two of them, I would reccomend developing a "After Homework from school, you have homework from Mom" and make sure that it is as challenging as you can make it. Start with materials developed for children around age 9, and adjust from there. I would reccomend making it a ritual, and keeping this afterschooling as part of your family identity. The thoughtful part comes in where you try to know them well enough to pick challenging academics that they will be at least a bit interested in. Expect tantrums- drooping - and complaining -
Get that light in your eyes and be inspired and inspiring. You may need special costumes -
?a tee shirt for you which says -
Mother - She who must be Obeyed!
for them tee shirts that say -
"Winning builds Confidence. Losing builds Character!" (One of my favorite lines from Dr. Sylvia Rimm)
So, yes, i think that girls need special attention. After you get the aftercare rolling, you'll be in a better position to compare what she is doing at home to what she is doing at school. BTW - Some folks consider Perfectionism something that is learned from Mom and Dad, and I'm sure that for many people that is true. But to be very honest, for a girl who has early milestones like your DD6 being in a regular preschool can be terrifing. I wouldn't accept one ounce of blame on yourself at this time, until at least she is in a classroom where to world isn't upside down all the time. My DS always said that the easy questions were the hardest to answer because he was SURE that they must be wrong. Lucky for him, boys tend to blame the teachers and the world - many girls go the otherway and try to make themselves fit into that little round hole!
Best Wishes - Make a Plan - Go! Go! Go!
Trinity
