It's been 3 years since I posted to this story but wanted to share an update, just in case it would be helpful for anyone who is struggling with a similar situation.
DS is now 13, in public school, medicated for anxiety and ADHD and is doing really well. Finding the right combinations of medications was a journey for sure. We had some really rough days on the medications that were not a fit for him. When we were searching for the right medication for DD epilepsy years ago, the Neurologist said the goal was "no seizures and no side effects". We took the same approach with DS's medication. We believe all of his personality is still there and he is able to be a better, less impulsive version of himself. He is still an old soul and still prefers to hang out with adults but we are working to help him connect more with peers. He is generally well liked by his peers but he still struggles to make and keep friends.
We were able to find a psychologist for him a few years ago, which, has helped a TON. Initially he was going every couple of weeks, but now it is monthly. The psychologist pointed out to my DW about a year ago (maybe more), how nice it was for us to be dealing with "normal kid stuff", like lots of lying, not doing homework, arguing with siblings, etc….
Looking back at the past 4 years, I was in denial. It may have been obvious to many with my original post and some of my comments but it took a little bit of time (too long) for me to realize it. I wish we would have started medication and counseling sooner. Regardless, he is on a much better trajectory now, as is the whole family. His sibling would likely benefit from counseling, too, based on all of the turmoil from years past. We do still have days that are a struggle but nowhere near what it was like 4 years ago.
