Thanks for all of the responses! I think there were some great points there. Some things we currently try and others that we will try.
Portia - I do 'want' him to be intelligent but my gut is also telling me his IQ is higher. I am not sure of the experience his evaluator had with gifted and 2e. The day he finished the evaluation DW and I had a brief conversation with him about the result. The initial feedback sounded like the common misdiagnoses of gifted. Ultimately, we don't care what the number is so we will likely not pursue that any more. Our goal was been to identify the cause of the meltdowns and determine what accommodations may be appropriate to help DS in the classroom. I like the idea of the journal. We have not yet done this and will give it a try. Also a good point about your DS post-school behavior. That could be in play for us, too.
I have a fairly technical degree but I was in my early 30s before I realized how I learn (If I don't understand something end to end, I don't understand it at all). I also had unrealistic expectations of myself and others. I joke with my DW that 10 years ago when she was beating he chest about how she "fixed" me, God said "Hold my beer." I think helping our kids know themselves and how they learn would be a great gift to give each of them. They are all great kids.
Over the past couple of years, we have tried to get a lot better about giving our kids choices (ex. Do you want to brush your teeth upstairs or downstairs?) and setting expectations (we will try to do this but if we can't, what are some other things we can try?, What would you differently next time?, etc�) We still have quite a bit of work to do.
Dude/ KJP - I like your points on perfectionism / negative self-talk. I know DS has read some of the books in the Who Was? Series. It also reminds me that years ago, I read My American Journey by Colin Powell. Seeing some of his Leadership Rules and the situations that led to them helped me quite a bit. I think these books can help our DS set more realistic expectations for himself and others.
Dude - I agree that in many cases, DS is expressing a strong emotion and does not mean what he says. We do try not to react or get upset with some of these statements. It's not always easy but we are working on it.
polarbear - I will add the scores as a response here once we have them. We do plan to have a follow up with the psychologist after we have time to review the report. When we decided to do the psych-ed for DS9, we really wanted to know learning differences, IQ and school recommendations. Based on the initial meeting with the psychologist, we wonder if the inattentive ADHD is caused by anxiety. We certainly have more facts to collect prior to making any decisions on school or medication.
Thank you for the notes on changing schools. Our journey for DS9(this post is about him) started when DS6 teachers noticed he had many characteristics consistent with dyslexia. In scheduling the psych-ed for DS6 and starting to visit specialized schools, we started to think a lot about DS9, his meltdowns that only happen during the school year and what the right academic environment would be for him. It is always a challenge to get DS9 to school. We have been talking fairly openly with DS9, DS6 and DD11 about the psych-ed for DS6 and the possibility he will be going to a school that will teach the way his brain works. DS9, of course, knew he was taking the psych-ed, too. He started telling people at school he was going to a different school for dyslexia before he even had the psych-ed�.turns out DS9 is not dyslexic. :-)
jckdw - your DS11 and my DS9 sound quite similar. It will be interesting to see our full psych-ed results and anything around processing speed and executive function. We did have DS9 in counselling for a little while. Not sure how much benefit he received from it. I think he just saw it as one on one time with an adult and enjoyed chatting (he could do this forever with an adult). One other note on "ideas about what he wants to do"�a few months back, we were on a road trip and were returning home the next day. He asked to stop at a specific restaurant on the way home. When I asked questions about why he wanted to stop there, it turned out it was because they had a large candy selection and he wanted candy (didn't care about the restaurant at all). We had the conversation that it is better for him to ask more about what he really wants (explain his vision) as opposed to asking for it in steps (what would have happened if we would have made it to the restaurant and we decided we didn't need any more sweets today?). He has gotten much better at it. He always keeps us on our toes.
