I will add that DD was horrible at the meeting. Bad attitude. She acts like a cornered cat. She does not understand yet that people are there to help - not make her life miserable.
My DD is the one who has what we describe as her "feral bear" mode. Basically, when she's scared her response is to be nasty. She's unpleasant and pushes people away when they try and help her. Teachers, not unreasonably, react to this by going and looking for someone who actually
wants their help. They don't realize she's behaving this way because she's terrified and her anxiety is through the roof. They just think she's being a b&*%&. I feel for you on this one. It's really difficult to help a child in this mode, and difficult to persuade people she needs help. It's a nasty spiral. The disability causes anxiety which causes behaviour which stops teachers from seeing the disability or trying to help address it - which ratchets up the anxiety and off she goes. We have had the experience of shocked teachers, unable to believe what a completely different child - what a
nice child - ours became once she finally got the help she needed (from us, at home. sigh).
So my best empathy coming your way. Hang in there, hold her tight, let her see in no uncertain terms that you are on her side, that you see what she sees and that you are going to help her find a way to reduce this pain. And be honest with her it might hurt even more for the short term because it can be a lot of work. And yes, this sucks and no it's not fair. But for us, as DD began to feel more capable and competent through remediation, the feral bear dissipated, and a far happier, engaged, risk-willing girl re-emerged. That bear ain't domesticated by any means (not in her nature!), but we have trust and a working partnership that (mostly) keeps the feral at bay.
