Sending big hugs greenlotus, to help keep up your own stock.
A couple more random opinions to add to the above. I totally agree you don't want to force her into homeschooling, but this is also where you need to do some serious mind-reading, when you talk with her about the pros and cons. To what extent are the items in the two columns real vs. fears? If the pros are actuals and the cons are anxieties, then this may be where you as the parent own the decision. We did this with switching DS last year into a new school for grade 6, to access a gifted class. But we knew he really wanted to change into this program, he was just horrified at leaving the safety and security of the known (even if it wasn't a good known). So we told him he had to try - no choice - but whether or not he stayed would be up to him. He struggles hugely with anxiety and indecision, so having the parents take on the responsibility for the initial decision helped him get to a choice he wanted, but was to afraid to take on his own. This would clearly be the wrong way to go with many kids, but it's what this one needed.
As with medications, I'll chime in totally inexpertly with everyone above. There may be good medical reasons to focus on depression first, so dig into the psych's rationale. Depression is serious in kids this age, and should be viewed with urgency. But don't underestimate how much the ADHD may be causing your daughter to struggle, in the class and out of it. The massive rise in executive function expectations for DS in grade 6 last year were brutal. From everything I have seen in 2E kids, the anxiety hits clinical levels long before the grades start to notably slide. The fact that they *can* do it doesn't mean it's not getting harder every day. And they're watching it get easier for everyone else around them, and wondering "what the he11 is wrong with me?" So I think you got great advice above to look for primary causes. Start by changing the environment to create one that matches and is supportive of your DD, provide therapy such as CBT (which it sounds like you're already doing) - and then see how much of the anxiety and depression is already being addressed by these changes, and whether it may also need to be medicated directly. You're not ignoring the depression, but rather trying to tackle its root causes head on.
