Am I wrong to be thinking DD won't ever get to fulfilled because there are such limits on what she will be able to do her cognitive abilities will always be untapped?
Yeah... I need a pep talk.
As for this part specifically - it is natural as parents to worry about their children's future. I don't have the specific challenges that your daughter has had (except possibly with speech) but I have been in special ed basically from K-12 (I have sent a PM on more about that, Pemberley).
I feel sad that you view her high intellect as a cause for potential unhappiness at "untapped" potential - because when I look back, I know if I did not have the impact or even late discovery of my disability, it is a big question if I could have tapped into my full scope of my cognitive abilities. To some extent, having to compensate for all the challenges I faced has tapped into abilities that I may not have realized I had - especially those involving perseverance, having to constantly go outside of my comfort zones and hard work just to get to same level that others mastered years before me in some areas.
I don't feel any less fulfilled even though there are paths that were blocked - because there were many other paths for me to explore. In some ways, I feel lucky because of parental support and because it has given the soft skills that helps me today in my workplace.
Your DD is lucky to have you in her corner - someone who is working hard to allow her to realize her abilities and challenges. Not all parents are like that - I have met others with same challenges as mine, and who were not as fortunate to have parents like mine to push them as mine did, and who slogged through the 12 years of school IEPs etc like my mom did.
