Dear Pemberley,
You must know I will always be your cheerleader! You are an amazing mom, and if nothing else were to ever happen in your dd's life to support/develop/grow her ability to fully achieve her dreams, the one thing she'll always have that *will* guarantee she'll soar are the wings you gave her to fly with.
But now what? How do I make my peace with the fact that things will never be easy for her, or normal for her? That no she will never have a level playing field? I see other kids - friends of DD - who don't work a fraction as hard getting to do things that DD will never be able to do.
Finding peace can be difficult - for me I find the roughest part is seeing how much our ds' childhood wasn't about being a child but instead about time invested in overcoming challenges. Sure, all of it is giving him something he'll be able to reflect on someday as making him stronger (or whatever).. and yes, he does truly believe that if he had the opportunity to do it all again without dysgraphia/etc he wouldn't... but still... blech. I'd give anything to have a childhood re-do for him free of the challenges.
Re looking forward, the only advice I can give you is to let you know that when ds was entering middle school I had many of the same thoughts. How would he ever be able to function as an adult? What would he miss out on? Would he ever have friends, be able to live on his own etc. Those middle school and the years through the teens are truly life-changing... ds is in so many ways an entirely different person today than he was at 11 or so. I'm sure you must have read my stories of repeating locker checks at the end of the school day, day in, day out, for several years. That same kid who couldn't figure out how to turn in an assignment at 11 is today as a sophomore suddenly managing to keep track of his work. I shouldn't say "suddenly" because it took years of scaffolding, but the point is - he *arrived*. It happened. And not just with organization but in so many other ways too. I feel certain you'll see the same type of evolutionary changes with your own dd as she moves through the teen years.
Will you ever stop worrying about it, digging deeper, or hoping for more? I doubt it, but that's ok. That's what makes us moms, and what makes us human. Wanting more for our kids. {{{hugs}}}
Puberty tends to bring a lot of changes.
And... one last thought.. which might sound dismissive, but please know that it isn't meant that way *at all*. Back to the puberty thing and hormones and all that - the one thing that probably has been more helpful to me than anything else in ds' journey is having a nt dd a few years younger and going through the same journey into middle school with dd and her many many friends. Also seeing my friends friends going through puberty. This is a time that so many of us with *nt* kids also ask many similar questions. I can guarantee you that if you spent a nanosecond getting to know my oldest dd and pondering what's up in her life at the moment, you'd wonder... how the heck is this kid going to make it on her own someday? But she will. It will turn around. Please know I don't make this comparison flippantly at all - it's just something that I throw out there to help maybe put a little bit of perspective on it. For all that we're dealing with the emotions and challenges of raising 2e kids, we're also dealing with the emotions and challenges of raising "just kids" too. If that makes any sense lol!
Hang in there and vent away!
Best wishes always,
polarbear
