Thanks blackcat. I just had another call from DS teacher with some things that happened today and yesterday that will result in him having to sit out from an activity today . . . I am definitely becoming more open to the idea of trying medication as everything seems to be falling apart, and kids are starting to form negative opinions about him . . . so the cost benefit scale definitely seems to be swinging for me. Luckily the school year ends next month, and hopefully we can get next year off to a better start.
But I will not get ahead of myself, first step is getting a diagnosis.
Anyway, feeling pretty down about it all at the moment. I feel unable to help him. And my heart breaks for him.
It's really overwhelming and that heartbreak feeling is just awful.
DS12 was recently diagnosed ASD after having several different diagnoses for years. I have to say the more I read about it, the more I have aha moments and think, well--of course!
DS most pronounced deficit is EF--he is also low on every.single.function and it is discouraging. It's easy to obsess about the deficits. Since you asked for advice, here's mine:
--be open minded about medication. Nobody wants to medicate but it is truly life-altering for many.
--do not allow yourself to see only the negatives (even when it is difficult). Remind yourself every day of your child's strengths.
--don't buy into the "empathy" thing with the ASD rule-out. Research that. I think there is a huge difference between conceptualizing social issues as a "lack of empathy" and a "difficulty with perspective-taking."
--even if your DS doesn't meet diagnostic criteria for ASD, if you think there are social communication issues, work on these. DS here is so verbal that nobody (including myself) understood that he struggles with communication. I wish I'd understood it a lot earlier and better, so we could have worked on these things. His biggest problem right now is that *some* adults (certain teachers, particularly) just either can't or won't believe he struggles and think he is just a jerk. Adolescence hasn't really helped this, because his awkwardness has gravitated from cute toward snark. I wish I'd understood earlier.
My DS pretty much stopped getting in trouble altogether when he began taking medication. I don't really think the impulse control v. social communication is an either/or situation--my son certainly has both issues. Impulse control is definitely improved by medication but also that seems to improve with maturity.
