Dubsyd, don't, don't, DON'T beat yourself up over this. Executive function gaps take a long time of routine and scaffolding to work on, and you have been doing a great job of looking for ways to provide those supports. Your son is very young still. I know (oh, don't I know) that it feels like forever. These are life skills, and our kids will be working on them always. It's terribly hard to keep going when it feels like you aren't having any effect, but you are, you really are, even if you can't see it yet.
Sometimes, though, it's simply going to take a lot more maturity before he can independently take on what you are teaching, and sometimes other interventions are needed too (such as medication, CBT, executive function counselling). You are on the right track to figure out all of these things, and you've got the routines and supports that mean as he becomes more able, everything he needs is there and already in place helping him.
And mornings.... egad, mornings. Still a disaster around here, especially for DS, and he's in middle school now. Eat. Brush teeth and hair. Get dressed. Put on outerwear. How can he remember 100+ digits of pi and yet not have a clue that these are the four things he must do every morning, exactly the same as every other morning for the last 10 years?
Some mornings I despair. Some mornings I lose it. But then I stop and look around and realize all the *other* things he now can and does do, tough things he remembers, the routines we are starting to build and he's (mostly) keeping up in his complex middle school reality. And I realize how much he has learned to do, and how much more capable he is, and how incredibly much he is starting to take responsibility and the initiative, especially over the last year. And I am amazed.
And yes, an hour for now, when he's late for the bus, I will be pulling my hair out. But I'll pour a new cup of coffee, sit back, and remember that on Monday Mr. Shy-and-Anxious took a stack of paper to one of his teachers, and asked her to help him figure out what they would still work on in class, when it was all due, and what had to be done at home. And I will be very proud. Even if he was still wearing his pjs when he asked.
