I wish I could send your ds a huge hug, BlessedMommy! Our ds felt the same way in elementary school. I don't know if anything we experienced will help, but fwiw, this is what we did with our ds to get over that initial roadblock of not wanting to look different than the other kids. Note: you'll see that several times, what we did depended upon the school to be accommodating beyond our ds' needs. DS was diagnosed at the end of 2nd grade, and had, first, informal accommodations through 3rd & 4th grade, and officially documented accommodations from 5th grade on out.

3rd grade: The only significantly "chunky" blocks of writing took place during writers' workshop. DS' 3rd grade classroom was arranged in tables with 3-4 students at each table and one computer at each table (his teacher had purchased computers through a Best Buy classroom grant - that he'd pursued on his own). During writing time, the kids had the option of working on the computer, and ds had plenty of time to type then. This teacher also let students type on the computers when doing science and social studies reports etc, and had the kids practice their typing regularly. Clearly, that's a classroom that's making the difference, and that's not going to happen most of the time. What it showed, however, was that when ds was surrounded by other kids using typing, he didn't feel out of place - and that's how life does start to work out as a teen, and as he moves into adulthood, because... as many of his 3rd grade classmate's parents observed (none of whom were parenting children with handwriting challenges)... "why are we placing so much emphasis on handwriting anyway, when all we do as adults is type?". You could point that out to your ds - do you and his dad use handwriting or keyboarding more often?

4th grade: The teacher had two computers in the classroom that were set up away from the student's desks. She also had a set of alpha-smarts - not enough for the full class to use, but enough for kids to sign up to use them and share them. During writing times, the children could sign up for either alpha-smarts or the regular computers, and were allowed to sit anywhere they wanted to in the classroom (sometimes also out in the hall) to write. The other kids were not aware of it, but ds' teacher gave ds first priority always using an alpha-smart, so he could essentially use keyboarding any time he wanted to and not "look different". None of the other kids ever spent a nano-second realizing that ds used the alpha-smart more than anyone else. DS really liked that arrangement... although he didn't really like the alpha-smart, and it's technology that is obsolete at this point in time.

End of 4th grade: ds was starting to realize he needed more than just an alpha-smart, and we (parents) were very concerned that he would never become brave enough to open up his laptop in class if he didn't get over that initial hump of *just doing it*. DS was petrified of what the other kids would say or think. We finally got him to open it up during... the last two weeks of school. I don't remember specifically, and I don't necessarily recommend this, but I think we (parents) told ds he had to do it, no choices. I had read about other dysgraphic children's experiences using laptops in class before giving him the ultimatum, and everything I'd read indicated that most times the other students in class thought the idea of using a laptop or computer in class was "cool" and students weren't made fun of because of using the computer. By this time, ds was also starting to become acutely aware of feeling "different" in class anyway because of his challenges with writing (he was also struggling with a disorder of written expression which made it extremely difficult to get any thoughts out at all... different beast than dealing with dysgraphia alone). So... it took several months but ds finally got his courage up, took the laptop to school a few times without opening it, then finally got it out and opened it up to use to write. That day was a real eye-opener for ds, because none of the other students said much of anything about it, other than a few who were beyond jealous that ds had a laptop in class, and thought it was really cool.

5th grade: DS was in a classroom with many of the same classmates he'd had in 4th grade. He was still very hesitant to use his laptop at first, but he had an IEP in place now that had the laptop as an accommodation, and he's a compliant kid so he used it. It helped that by the end of the first quarter, there were two other kids in class on IEPs who were also using laptops. I don't think any of the other kids in class thought much about any of it, other than thinking that the kids using the laptops needed them to help with schoolwork... and that's something, that while difficult to acknowledge, shows up anyway, whether or not the student was using the laptop. So all in all, better to use the AT than to struggle and not be successful. By mid-way through 5th grade ds was comfortable using his AT in class and didn't worry about it anymore.

6th grade: DS switched schools, and in spite of having used his laptop without worry during most of 5th grade, was telling us he was scared scared scared of using it in his new class at his new school because he didn't want to look different to the other students. He was doubly stressed at this point though, because he had now used the laptop long enough successfully, and had also matured enough to realize - he needed to type his work or he wouldn't be able to complete assignments. He'd also matured into a motivated student who wanted to work hard and do well in school. He took the laptop to school for the first week and never opened it up. At home, he was getting more and more stressed out over what he was going to do about the laptop and school. We talked to his teacher... and the teacher decided to invite all of the students in class to bring in a laptop if they had one and wanted to use it. That was all it took - only 2-3 other kids brought in a laptop that first week after the offer was put out by the teacher, and they all stopped bringing their laptops after 2-3 days... but ds brought his and opened it up and used it all the time after that, because it was just that one gesture from the teacher and the other few kids bringing them in the first time it was offered, that it took to get him past the discomfort of opening up the laptop. The interesting thing about 6th grade at this school for ds - I'm not sure any of the other kids ever realized he struggled with any kind of disability. They just assumed he brought the laptop to school because he wanted to and the teacher said that the students could. There were also classroom computers and a large shared computer lab at this school, and programs like "Inspiration" were used by all students, and the school computers were used for many assignments. If you haven't guessed it by now, this is a private school. The move to private was something I'd never really wanted to do, but it made a huge difference for ds in both feeling comfortable in his own skin, in being in a school where technology was already integrated into the curriculum, and in being in a school where the teachers were genuinely interested in supporting each student as an individual.

7th-8th grade: DS' school required all students to use iPads for their classwork. This posed a few challenges for ds initially in terms of differences in apps vs software etc - but ds prefers the iPad to laptop for school for many many reasons, including the size/weight.

9th grade: DS returned to public school. Once again, he was terrified of opening up his iPad in front of other students on the first day of school, but he was actually more worried that his teachers would *not* allow him to use it in class (the school wouldn't schedule a 504 meeting until later on in the school year). We had an agreement in place that his teachers would allow it, but with that acknowledgment in place, he was scared scared scared that he would get the iPad out in class and a teacher would tell him he couldn't use it. He got it out though, and everything was fine, no one told him he couldn't use it. None of the other kids blinked, either. As the year unfolded, the other students were using laptops and iPads and tablets in class too because the high schools in our district allow students to bring laptops/etc to school and use them if they want to. DS does look different in classes, especially when he's taking a science test, for example, using his iPad and everybody else is just writing answers on a worksheet. The thing is - everything changed for ds in a significant way during middle school in that the work load became heavy enough and the complexity of work required deepened enough, all the while ds was maturing in understanding himself... which led to ds realizing that he truly does need his keyboarding accommodation. That was huge in terms of getting him to use his accommodations, and it's something he just couldn't really see in early elementary school.

So - there's light at the end of the tunnel. Just starting to use it is the toughest part. I'd probably, in your case, talk to your ds openly about how he feels, talk to him about how it might feel to not be able to do his best on an assignment or not be able to do work as well as other kids in his class if he has to use handwriting, etc. See if you can get help from his teacher - one thing that we always felt would have helped our ds in elementary was having a teacher insist that he use his technology rather than giving him a choice. Yes, it would cause a lot of anxiety in the moment, but once that initial "moment" has passed, it really isn't something other kids in the classroom pay much attention to.

Sorry I don't have any specific advice, and I'm not sure any of this will help, but hopefully you'll be able to find that magic key for your ds which will help him get past being worried about looking different. I can tell you this - I only wish we'd had a diagnosis and accommodations in place for both of our 2e kids *earlier* in their schooling. The days spent in class not being able to do their work due to not having accommodations were days we had to make up later on, and the work missed just kept building.

Best wishes,

polarbear