Big hugs, Marnie!
Remember that choosing Grayson or homeschool this year doesn't lock you into a fixed path in subsequent years.
I can't speak to homeschooling officially, as we haven't been doing any explicit teaching other than providing a rich and varied environment with lots of outings so far. However, as we're planning to start homeschooling in the fall for kindergarten, and I'm building our macro goals for curriculum, social, and extra-curricular activities.
As it stands, this is the master plan for DS next year:
Daily goals: 1 hour of school, 1 hour of social, 1 hour of sports (other than hiking, exploring, scootering, biking, or playing with me at the park). The sports and social need not be mutually exclusive. Lots of free play and exploring the community.
Curriculum:
<=1 hour of direct instruction daily, all other academic work will be play initiated by DS.
One-on-one social: 4-5 hours/week
- 2-3 hour 1x/week play date with DS' age-peer best friend, who is likely gifted (requires heavy facilitation and participation by me to keep play themed around topics DS likes and scaffold friend)
- Make another good friend or two--ideally with similar interests and intellectual needs-- to arrange a weekly play date of 2hrs 1x/week
- Lots of daily one-on-one interaction with me and DH
Extra-curricular: 7 hours/week
- Swimming 1.5 hours 2x/week at the university pool free swim with me, where there are often the same children (current activity, which DS loves)
- Gymnastics 1 hour 1x/week with 3-5 year olds at the university (new)
- Drama club 1.5 hours 1x/week for 3-6 year olds (new)
- Martial art TBD 1 hour 1x/week with age peers (new)
- Possibly group music class or dance class with age peers 1.5 hours 1x per week (new)
For a homeschooled child with a lot of downtime, I think that list is reasonable because the time commitment for any one activity is small and the activities are held within walking distance of our home. For a child in school, that would be a disastrous over scheduled mess!
My goal is to give him access to some structured environments in a time-bound fashion. DS would go bananas in a half-day kindergarten due to boredom, but I'm hoping giving him access to a bunch of interesting activities (mostly sports) will help him build some positive shared experiences with other children. I'm focusing on activities offered at the university, since they tend to draw disproportionately from faculty's families.
DS, while very extroverted, is mostly indifferent to playing with other children. I can get him enthused about playing with his buddy if I'm involved and act as play cruise director. He would probably be happy to have zero contact with other children, instead playing with me a the time, but that's not good for him in the long term, much though I love his company! I'll admit, I like Portia's idea of hiring an older child.
