We have, in general terms, a very similar philosophy to that explained by Dude in his post above, so I won't repeat that.
On the other end of the spectrum, however, we also found it
more difficult, in some respects, to hang out with the free-range, crunchy unschooling sort.
Our parenting style is more compatible with the religious homeschoolers, frankly, and I'm also not so worried about boundary issues and medical ones from an epidemiological stance.
Then again, we have other reasons why "rule-following" is a basic admission criterion for people we want to be around.
We also found that given that the local homeschooling population is about 20: 12: 1 (would-be-Waldorfians, evangelical conspiracy theorists, and secular-rationalist homeschoolers), the pickings were relatively slim if we were too particular.
We never went into things expecting DD to make true
friends-- or to find true peers. Mostly those expectations were met, by the way.
We also made a deliberate decision to avoid the activities that concentrate the majority type in our own area-- though this isn't too difficult since they tend to gravitate to precisely the sorts of activities that we tend to avoid, with a few exceptions like the fine arts.
The unvaccinated "illnesses are all-natural and good for you" crowd was far more objectionable to us (having an asthmatic child with allergies that most of them are just sure can be "cured" with various flavors of Woo, and weren't afraid to say so in front of our DD) than the philosophical differences that we have with those who are attempting to proselytize on the basis of their faith. And I say that as someone with a lot of baggage toward my overwhelmingly obnoxiously proselytization-oriented extended family.
When seeking out opportunities with homeschoolers, we tended to prefer activities with a clear time limit, clear schedules and activities planned by an adult, and where direct contact with other children was controlled or limited.
Actually, that strategy worked well since it brought us into contact with the
most compatible group of other homeschoolers-- the educators who were either second gen homeschoolers, or teachers who had opted to homeschool their own kids. As a group they tended to be less hostile toward education. They also tended to be people who had fallen through the cracks of the system-- a much higher proportion of them had kids with special needs, so they more readily accepted differences than the other groups of homeschoolers, too.
Pragmatically, how did we do that?
Well, we signed up for
formal classes that were taught during the time when most kids are in childcare or school settings. That defaults you to "cyberschool/homeschool" kids right away, usually. We also looked for classes with a fair degree of structure. Product/goal-oriented, or physical skills oriented. Swimming lessons. Drawing classes. Golf lessons. Tennis, ballet, soccer, guitar, art, robotics, etc. etc.
Mostly, we weighed what any particular setting was "worth" to us, relative to the likely risks encountered there.
