THANK YOU everyone for all of your advice. WOW. that helps tremendously...everything seems to make a little more sense now. I keep reminding my husband that we are in the throws of it right now... we are definitely in the trenches. Some days are great, some days are absolutely horrible. It is curious that he presents much like some HG and PG children. I might add that he just turned 4 in Oct also so he is just barely 4...we have a long road ahead of us it sounds like. Fortunately right now he is in a home school/unschooling montessori preschool environment with only a couple of kids of mixed ages and a teacher who believes in him...her twin 10 year olds are gifted and she recognizes the traits that she saw in her boys in him and hasn't seen these traits in any other children. I'm not sure exactly what area he is gifted in, I just know he is highly intelligent. He does like numbers but isn't really writing anything out yet. He figured out how to read before turning 4 but is still just reading short words. He does seem to gravitate towards geography and the world and his teacher said that the other day when he saw a map of the continents he correctly named them all with ease and he had only seen this map once before and that was 2 months ago. Stuff like that...and his memory and attention to detail are extremely advanced. He is very passionate about EVERYTHING. He talks like an adult with mannerisms and everything is a big deal with lots of excitement explaining things. I think this trait will serve him well one day, so that is encouraging to hear about the older kids doing well academically in classroom settings. I plan on keeping him in a montessori atmosphere for as long as we can, even into elementary school if possible...
I do plan on using the assessment as a tool and taking what they say with a grain of salt. Obviously some of these behaviors I feel he will grow out of. If anything, it may help us better understand what traits he has. You're right, he has little pieces of several different disorders. He is not a clear cut aspergers, or clear cut ADHD case etc. His verbal skills have always been advanced and he talked early. His teacher said she has been around kids with both and he doesn't quite fit them although she can see pieces of them at times...I don't want him to get labeled with something when he may in fact be HG or PG and this is his way of coping...but at the same time, I think a diagnosis used the right way may help us realize that there really is something different going on with him...help family understand that it's not our parenting...that is a huge stressor right now.
Did anybody else have difficulty getting family (grandparents, uncles/aunts etc) to understand your child? Did you get blamed a lot for doing something wrong as parents..comments like "you never acted this way as a kid" etc. It's easy for them to point the blame...saying we aren't tough enough with him etc. It's highly unfair and I am finding myself wanting to distance ourselves from them and not allowing them to visit. They commented last time that if he is this out of control they don't think we can come visit them. That is extremely sad for him (and DD) and I hate that they feel that way. When my son was acting particularly ASD...yelling loudly, jumping all around, not letting anyone talk my father said some pretty hurtful things which I know my son understands and I am pretty upset about. I don't think it's emotionally fair to surround him with such negativity but at the same time, don't want to deprive him from going to family functions. Did anybody deal with this, and if so have things gotten better over time with family understanding your child too?
That is interesting about being tired or hungry and the behaviors escalating. I have noticed this. He currently eats gluten free and dairy free because I have linked those to extremes of behavior...almost uncontrollable. If we keep those out of his diet it keeps things a little more under control. Not perfect, but better. He also eats all organic, no GMOs etc...He gets fish oil daily along with a probiotic. We also use an essential oil blend with remarkable results! It seems to mellow him out at preschool...his teacher has noticed a huge difference the days I put it on him....it has been a lifesaver. So all in all, I am hopeful. I think this info will help DH understand him a bit more. Day to day is HARD...I understand him much better than DH. He still feels like he should act and respond like a "normal" child which just doesn't work. It's hard not knowing what you are dealing with and why they act the way they do. I can see my son trying to do the right thing, or being misunderstood because he is doing something that looks like a huge mess that he should know better than to do...but he sees it as exploration and discovery.
Sounds like we are on the right track though...gotta take it day by day and focus on the good. Yesterday was a good day. He was calm, thoughtful and a delight...today may be completely opposite. He could melt down, kick and scream...hit at me etc. At least I know the good days exist and will cherish those and try to get through the bad ones. On the plus side, he always has some witty funny off the wall statement or question for us that is not typical of a 4 year old, so that can be entertaining. He intrigues me and is so complex, it's fun in a way...I just think we need to get past this preschool age so he can better express himself and mature a little bit.
LOL and I laughed at the comment "he will take out a baby who thinks about touching his stuff" because that is sooo my son as well. He can be kind and share things, especially with older kids...but he can also revert to 2 year old behavior and try to tackle a child who bothers him. But then later if that child were hurt he would feel bad for them and get them a band aid and think of all sorts of ways to comfort them. Seems like a disconnect there, but then again at least he does seem to show empathy at times.
Last edited by kdoelit; 12/12/14 11:31 AM.
