A day later and I think I have a bit better grip on my reaction. I am a bit disheartened that I don't have one thing to hang onto and say THIS is the problem, and if we do X everything will magically be better.
Hang in there bluemagic. It will take awhile to process all the info, but you'll get there and as you think it through you'll come up with a plan that makes sense for your ds and your family. One thing that is hopefully going to be helpful for you is your ds' input - he's old enough and has enough self-insight that he should be able to help somewhat in setting priorities.
The problem is I'm struggling to balance what he needs socially with what he need academically.
One of the things that's been toughest for me as the parent of children with LDs is seeing the amount of time that the LDs take out of their lives - both in time spent remediating and in the impact the LDs have on the amount of time they spend on their homework compared to nt peers. I look back at how their childhoods have played out relative to what I *thought* their childhoods would be like prior to diagnoses and it's very different - but that doesn't mean it's either sad or bad or that they've missed out on anything. It's just different. The time spent on remediation was well worth it, and the time they've invested in their homework helped make them successful students which built their self-confidence. The toughest point to be at is really the starting line - when you first know there's a problem and you're looking at how to get from point A to point Z. Once you've jumped in and started moving forward, you'll see progress and the journey forward will seem less overwhelming.
Breaking it up there are really three issues. His anxiety/depression that we have to work on first or we won't get anywhere with the other issues. The underlying LD the working memory, processing speed, pragmatic judgement, and possible written language processing issues that are the cause of a lot of the anxiety to begin with. And the social, mild Autism behaviors that make it hard for him socially.
I know I'm beginning to sound like a broken record on this, but the anxiety may very well be a which-came-first chicken-or-egg issue. It was for my ds - we landed at a neuropsych initially because his anxiety was so sky high he was having panic attacks and imagining horrible things were going to happen to him. We went in thinking it was all anxiety, found out he had undiagnosed LDs, and once those LDs were accommodated the anxiety went away. Completely.
You may have to deal with medication to help decrease the anxiety so he's able to take advantage of the work he's about to move into, but otoh, you might also find that knowledge of the challenges and getting along with helping through accommodations and remediations may in and of itself help resolve the anxiety.
Makes him seems more non-functioning that he really is.. This is my kid who happily went off to two weeks of wilderness camp? The teen who happily wanted me to teach him to cook this summer. Who is looking forward to marching band camp? The teen that walked into an unfamiliar house last week, and to my surprised had a normal conversation with someone he hadn't met in years and didn't remember?
This sounds to me *totally* like a kid who's anxiety is wrapped up in school - which may by pointing back to his learning challenges.
Best wishes,
polarbear
