My DS2.7 has had the best success avoiding age-peers around 24 months, because their erratic behavior usually left him in tears. Imagine speaking clearly to someone and having them grab, shove, shout, etc. For sensory children, it's just best to avoid, and for a bright sensory child, it's a nightmare.
What has worked well for us, starting around 2, is to build up a set of verbal social skills to help DS fit in with older children, particularly verbal self-advocacy: making eye contact when speaking/listening, making introductions, asking questions to get to know other children, suggesting play ideas, etc. This practice coincided with winter for us, so we had a break from the park for several months. Now, he usually plays with 4-7 year olds at the park, often leading the activities because he's so passionate about some of his interests (cars, trucks, robots, aquatic creatures, the human body). He can represent his views and object if play becomes unfair. He still prefers to play with me because I can follow his thematic play better than the kids, and as a SAHM I play with him about 12 hours a day, but it's a good lesson for him to lead others and tolerate some polite conflict.
He also has an age-peer friend from music class who is probably gifted himself, and we arrange a play date or two every week at the park. DS' friend is a gentle, sweet boy, so they are learning positive play together. The key for finding that relationship was my vetting the parents/nannies of lots of children to find someone who shares my values. His nanny is now a personal friend of mine. I'm nursing DS, so the AP parents usually made enthusiastic remarks about my nursing, and then that sparked conversations.
One way that we initially bridged the gap between DS and older children was for DS, DH, and I to initiate games of tag, soccer, and hide-and-seek with the children at the park. Other children's parents by and large just sit on a bench with their iPhones, so there's never a shortage of kids hungry for some attention.
I'm a SAHM, and I think having the constant contact with my son has helped me model the behaviors I want to inculcate in him, and to deliver consistent, timely corrections when he veers off course. I think wherever possible gifted preschool age children should be with their parents, because the continuity of care, close relationships, and tenderness of interaction foster independence and security more than an environment where the teacher/caregiver's attention has to be split over 10 or more children.
I think the idea that socialization requires age peers is a fallacy--true socialization requires being able to move seamlessly with people of different ages and backgrounds. Interacting with socially adept adults is the best way to build those skills quickly, IMO and in my experience.
Last edited by aquinas; 06/09/14 07:21 AM. Reason: Nursing anecdote
