A couple of thoughts.
tested as PG with no learning disabilities
Can your tester recommend a professional for you to consult with?
...blow up about the phonics book that he had to do at the pace of the rest of the class. I spoke to the teacher and said he didn't have to do it. I thought that would make things better. But still, he comes home and is AGGRESSIVE, and violent. Hitting, scratching, using bad language towards us etc. It is almost like any little thing triggers a rage attack.
Is it possible he is unable to articulate what is bothering him? In one instance, it was the phonics (which may have been s-l-o-w and mind-numbingly repetitive). Does he understand that when he shares what is bothering him, you can help (but that acting out does not help).
Are there sports or martial arts classes he could attend to help with self-discipline while burning off excess energy?
desperate need of help... walking on eggshells... waiting for him to explode
While the approaches in many parenting books may not apply to gifted kids,
A Parent's Guide to Gifted Children has information on an approach to setting limits which many find helpful.
Love & Logic may also be worth looking in to.
Wishing strength for your family as you deal with this.
